Afraid of loving you
I am madly, deeply, insanely in love with you. I have never been in love before, not even close. I didn't want it, for more than one reason. That, and I didn't think I was capable of such strong feelings for someone. Then, you came along.... it started out as the hottest flirting game I've ever had the pleasure of being a part of. Once our eyes locked, something took over me.... I had never wanted anybody more than I wanted you at the very moment. The fact that you were much younger than me didn't even phase me then. There was a connection, it felt like I had found a part of my soul that had been missing. Here it is, years later, circumstances, fate, whatever it was.... we've been together for nearly three years. I've admitted my very real and deep love for you, I've let the walls crumble away. Deep inside, though, I know you will go, and that it won't be long. We're addicted to each other, lost in each other, both of us experiencing something so new and different. We let it happen though, taking a chance. But I confess, I know my age is going to hurt us in the end. I know you realize it, yourself, you've commented often that it will be long over before I get "too old". And you being, well, you... I know you mean it. I'm terrified of losing you. It's not even your flirtatiousness or comments about hot women that will do it. You know I'm OK with how you are. The death of this relationship will be my age.
I will hurt. I won't ever get over you. But until the day I die, I will have the thoughts of, "What if..." in my head, wondering if I had been close to your age.... if we just might have made it til the end. I would have enjoyed that ride. Completely. I would have loved to have had every day of the rest of my life with you, first face in the morning, last face at night. I will always love you. I will. And when the time comes, I will let you walk away. I will cry. I will hurt. But every moment we had together I will cherish for the rest of my life. And the memories of the time we had together will make me smile on my death bed. I love you so much. I've told you, but I'm not sure you could understand just how much.