I've been doing so well but now

I'm falling apart. I'm a cutter and have had bouts with anorexia and bulimia, and drugs. I've been in therapy and am on medications to correct a chemical imbalance. I haven't cut in months. But now I really want to. I just feel overwhelmed. I'm not used to not cutting, and it's uncomfortable. I stare at the scars I can see and run my fingernails over the ones I cant, on the back of my thigh, and it's like a washboard. It's hard to explain why I want to do it, but the urge is strong. But I know that if I give in, my husband will be upset. He tries very hard to understand and has been with me for so long, through breakdowns and suicide attempts, and I don't want to hurt him. I've been looking at gory pics and videos, lurking on ana/mia boards, trying to capture something without having to go there. But I can't get the image of my blood out of my head, and something tells me that I won't feel real again until I do this.

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2 Comments

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  • What you're going through is something I can relate to. Maybe talk to your husband about how you are feeling.

  • You should be getting out and about rather than thinking of using drugs. Drugs don't bring you any hope.

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