Because, in reality,.. I'm only me.
Yeah, so I still kinda do like you, the geek from high school, that no one really payed much attention to.. It's not like it's something big, or anything. But I can't live down the fact, that you're so much better than me at everything. EVERYTHING. you're living in a dorm, in the HIGHEST college in the state, no wait, I'm sorry, you're probably ALREADY OUT of college. while I'm still a scraping bottom feeder, that no one really gives two s**** about. I'm trying to break out of this half art-b**** block of mine, and trying to improve, while YOU are in the PRIME of yours. with everything as beautiful as you can make it. Straight down to the last digital stroke. Straight down to the smallest detail. Yeah, I'm jealous. but I don't hate you. not even a little. but I'm not in love with you either. and when you go online, and give me comments, or 'fav' things, I feel like you're taking some sort of pity on me.. but I'll take it. since it's the only way I'll know you notice me in some way, I'll chomp onto that line of sympathy you'll lay out. only because it gives me some kind of temporary inspiration. It hurts to know though. that I can't tell you what I think or feel, because I know that even the slightest slip, will make our porcelain- fragile-friendship, shatter into pieces. I'm just not comfortable with telling you anything. and I probably never will be. I feel... like you're the calm kind of guy I'm looking for. Something I'll never reach, I feel like a young homeless hobo looking at a pair of stilettos in the window, and having a richer, more refined woman take them in front of my eyes. I know it will happen, because I'm so used to these things by now. but will it be a big mistake if I don't say anything to you? I don't know. I'm sure the more I look, the more and more I'll get men like you snagged from my eye-sight until I grow to the age of sixty. too f****** bad. Boo hoo. I'll just have to give a try at passing you up somehow, huh? See you on the battlefield.