I feel bad about it but I feel resentment mixed with regret when I see people who are in college or who have degrees, knowing that they went to college. Those who somehow were in a position in life that gave them that opportunity. I wish I had had that. It didn't come out that way for me because of how and where I grew up. I do understand I had a choice to do it too but what I mean is,at the time, I didn't understand the gravity of it and there was no one really around to impress upon me to do it- to help me understand how important it was. I just wonder why I wasn't enough for someone to encourage me for better things. As far as my mom was concerned, it was all about getting a 'good paying job' working at the factory. But I think I would have done wonders in college. I'm not dumb. I love to learn. I just wonder how different or how much better I could have made things for myself if I had been pushed towards that avenue rather than having nobody that really cared what happened to me. And I don't have the ability to do go to college now- because I don't even have a job. (Surprise.) Yeah- I know. Someone's going to read this and call me a loser. Well, all I can say is I wish I knew then what I know now. I wish someone had been there to care enough to guide me and encourage me and let me know what I needed to do. Instead, I wandered into marriage and kids and then ended up working s*** jobs to get by. And now I impress upon my kids how important it is. But because of my s*** jobs, I've never even had a chance to save up anything to help them get there. I feel like such a failure. I feel so let down. Because I'm not a nothing. I'm a very capable person who has been stuck in so many stupid situations. My life could have been so different. But I was a kid. What could I know? How come nobody ever gave a damn about me?