Okay, so let me just set the scene here...
I'm a sophomore-junior-ish (my school is confusing with the year system) at a very prestigious fashion school. I'm in the hardest program that they offer, and I'm bogged down and stressed about homework constantly. I'm living in a new, HUGE city for the first time, I'm living on my own for the first time, and I have no friends. I don't have time to make friends or to maintain them, and I also don't have time for hobbies or to do much of anything fun.
I've been in several relationships over the years including one serious/long-term relationship and I was pretty sure I knew what love was. Things happened, and long story short I ended up single and under the impression that love would never be good enough to make me happy and that I would never find someone that could make me happy. I challenged God about it. I told him "God, please... just give me someone who I can love and who will surprise me and make me happy".
Then one day somewhat by mistake i stumbled upon a boy online. I didn't think it would go anywhere. He lived far away and I still was disbelieving that I could ever really fall in love and be happy. Somehow, I did, and falling in love with this boy showed me that all the love I had ever had before was not actually love. He treated me better than I could have ever asked for. Our relationship was trusting, honest, and open. It was so beautiful and somehow weirdly magical. Outsiders agreed that we were characters out of a movie or fairy tale.
For months we did so wonderfully well despite the distance, but then school started. All of a sudden he had a life and distractions and I had school to be stressed out.
Despite school stressing me out, I still made a lot of time for him and sacrificed things so that I could continue to make our relationship amazing. To me, love is much more important than a stupid degree, so it was no big deal. But as time wore on, the distance started bothering him, and in turn he started pulling away from the relationship and distracting himself in order to try and keep himself happy. I still continued on trying to make him part of my life at school and keep him happy.
Basically it ended up with him barely talking to me, not being affectionate, not putting any effort into the relationship, etc. He couldn't even tell me he loved me anymore.
So then I freak out and tell him he needs to fix things, and he says he does and then never actually does, and then I freak out again, and the more this cycle continues the more he starts getting angry at me for being upset with him.
Today we almost broke up. I (the usually very emotionally stable girl) would not get out of bed the whole entire day. I cried and cried and cried and hated everything. We both ended up agreeing that we can't break up because the love we share(d) at the times we are actually together (because we only see eachother a few days a month) is too spectacular and unusual to give up. So we're still together, hanging on by a thread, and hoping and praying that we can fix things. He said he loved me for the first time in weeks tonight, so I'm hoping that that is a start.
I'm so exhausted, I just want things to be better.