I think about killing myself nearly every day. I'm not going to, because I know it would hurt people I care about and I know that there must be a way to get through my life without feeling this bad, I just have to find it. But I can't seem to make the thoughts stop, and that scares me. Things have been hard lately. I got laid off from a very good job in the middle of my last semester of school, so I couldn't find something that would work with my school schedule and money is very tight. I just graduated last week and I'm anxious about whether or not I'm going to get into grad school and whether I can get a job if I don't. I've always had very, very bad self-esteem, and even though I've been getting better about that over the last two years, I still feel ugly, awkward, and stupid most of the time.

The irony is that I am a psychology student and I've been a volunteer on a crisis hotline for a couple of years. I spend a significant part of my weekends talking to other people about their suicidal ideations and helping them through it, but I'm scared to talk to anyone I know about my own, because I know it would only upset them.

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  • I've attempted suicide before. The only reason I stopped is because of the only life I have left in my life, which is my boyfriend. He's the only reason I've kept going. Find someone or something that will always be bright and shine for you even when your world is dark.

  • I have heard that doctors make the most difficult patients. The same thing may be at work in your situation.

    I'm sure that there are several free resources available in your area. By all means, seek help, even if you don't actually think you'll harm yourself. You can only reach your full potential when you properly deal with these feelings.

    Congratulations on your graduation.

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