I wish my girlfriend's daughter had never been conceived
There. I said it. And I feel vile for even thinking it. But every time I'm alone by myself and my girlfriend ('Sexy') can't be there, every time I go out and she can't come with me, every time I want a lie in and get woken by her daughter ('Flopsy') crying and particularly every time I hear about that what that occasionally abusive, sleazeball scumbag father ('Cuntboy') is doing and how there's nothing I can do about it, I get a burning rage about how disgustingly irresponsible Sexy & Cuntboy were on that lovely romantic holiday they went on that led to their daughter being born.
I don't wish harm on Flopsy. I actually quite like her and get on well with her. Sometimes I even think I might be able to get over this. But I could live without her. Sometimes I'm embarrassed to say her name as it's an Indian name, she's mixed race and so obviously not my kid. If she had never been conceived no one would care. I wish she'd never been conceived with all my heart.
I love Sexy. I find it unbearable not being with her, and if she gave Cuntboy overnight access I would get to see her more, but I want him denied everything as revenge for how he has denied me access to Sexy on my own terms.
Without Flopsy, I would stay with Sexy and think about having our first child together with her. Because of her and her ex having that little mutant together it's a much bigger decision and I've been keeping an eye out for someone as good as Sexy for the last year - I haven't found anyone.
I probably shouldn't tell Sexy how much I love her so often as I don't trust myself to stick around forever, but I don't want to leave, and obviously can't talk to her about this.
I don't know how common this is.