STRANGE, isn't it?

today i spill my guts on everything i can remember.

when i was about 11 years old i pretended to start my period because i thought it was cool, like i'm all grown up and s***.
i would take dirty, soiled pads from the dustbin and squeeze water on them, press them agst my clean pad and wear it again.
disgusting, i know!!!!

my father once masturbabted while i was in the room and now tht i'm older i remember this and fantasise tht he made me have s** with him.
afetr i come, i feel terribly ashamed because my pa is dead now and he was the centre of my universe when i was a kid.
also, i used to try and touch my mother when i was a kid and now i maasturbate to that memory and imagine sometimes tht i am giving her oral.
i love both my parents and would do anything for them.
i feel disgusted with myself but i know it's imp to forgive myself first or i'll never be able to withstand the bullshit of this world.

i also fantasise abt f****** three of my dad's brothers coz i saw one of them naked in the bathroom once.

i've had two abortions.
the man i lived with for nearly a decade destroyed my peace of mind.
i hated having s** with him, i was very scared of him but i had no where to go.
my mum and me are poor and i blv he took advantage of that.
now i'm free of him and a happy person again, something i haven't allowed myself to be for yrs.
he destroyed my mind towards men and now i'm scared of marriage.
i have leucoderma on my body and also in and around my v***** which makes me very ashamed during s**.
but i'm stronger now than i've ever been.
i wont turn around and look at all the ugliness i've been a part of.
i love my life and i'm going to do the best i can.

1 Comment

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  • I think you are beautiful! Just because u have had these fantasies doesnt mean there is anything wrong with u. I have fantasized aout having s** with a 13 year old, im 27. Ive never done it and am pretty sure i never will. i live a normal life (sorta) and people know im a kind giving person. u are ok. i promise!

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