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I hate my dad and want him dead
I used to fantasise about my dad getting into a car crash and dying when I was younger because he put me through absolute ** as a child and is still continuing to do so when I'm nearly an adult. My dad emotionally neglected me. He was controlling, mean, hostile and neglectful. Sure, he kept a roof over my head and fed me but that's it! He never spoke to me, made me feel insane when I showed any form of emotion and just made me feel completely alone, basically robbing me of a happy childhood. I feel no love towards my dad whatsoever, even though I have seen him nearly every day for my whole life, because he treated his own daughter like a stranger for so many years whilst being so controlling at the same time. And because I was a young girl, growing up, learning, trying to understand the world, I developed a crazy irrational fear of my own father and hated his alcoholic guts! I couldn't even be in the same room with him without becoming visibly scared. I mean, he's a stranger in my brain. I know nothing about him. I'm 18 soon and can move out and finally begin my life.
I had the same feelings for my dad. When I was younger, I fantasized about going into his bedroom when he slept at night and stabbing him to death. As I got older though, that fantasy was replaced by my dad dying in a car crash when he left the house. However, I always got upset and disappointed when he walked into the door alive and well.