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Don't know where to start
I don't really know where to start. I'm a 27 year old high school dropout. I'm married but I think my wife would be better off alone. I wish I was dead, and have for fifteen years, but I don't have the ** to kill myself. I know that this is the internet, and most responses to this will probably be encouraging me to take my life so I think I'll turn off the notifications for this confession. I wish I was dead but I'm too scared to die. I can't keep doing this.
I think you need to seek therapy.You need to understand why you feel this way and try to overcome these thoughts/feelings,of low self-worth and suicidal thoughts.
Once you've gained more self-worth and understanding of your internal demons,you could return to higher education.It's never too late,to return to education.I'm 31 and returning to College,to study a Business degree :)
Even if you can't commit to study a course in person,research some online/distance learning courses instead.I've primarily studied with,the Open University and it's worked wonderfully,around my personal life.
I don't have a family,but I do have a partner and a job.So I can't commit to full-time education,unless I'm ready to commit to not working again.
Maybe,embark on commencing with activities/hobbies that you've always wanted to.That'll should improve your confidence and self-worth.Do you like boxing/kick boxing? Those are good outlets.Maybe, talk to your wife about how you're feeling.Hopefully, she could help and support you,through it.
I just don't want you to feel,alone.
nothing is so bad it cant get better.
No, you're right, you can't keep living like you are. You have to make an effort and make your life better, because you deserve to be happy. You're only 27, you have a long life ahead of you. School isn't for everyone. But if your high school diploma is keeping you from doing something, then go and get your GED. There's probably a program online you can enroll in. Education is always available to you. Your wife would be devastated if you harmed yourself. So please go and find a good therapist, they can help you with your depression. Find the ** to go and get the help you need. Don't for a second think that you're not worth being happy, getting help or achieving your goals.
DITTO !