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I hate being a parent
I don't hate my kids, but I hate being a parent.
I hate not having anything even remotely resembling a social life. I hate changing diapers. I hate cleaning up after my kids. I hate driving some of them to school. I hate having to cook for them all the time. I hate listening to them fight, or cry, or beg for something. I hate having to take them to sports or activities so they're not bored. I hate having to keep watch over them when friends come over to play.
I hate being trapped in ** broiling desert, backwards ** Arizona, just because a job pays well enough to support four kids and moving would mean working for about 1/2 the pay. I've wasted a third of my life in this ** place because I can't afford to move because of these kids. I hate having to keep a close watch over my kids because I live in a ** huge beige and cement city...the more people there are, the more sick ** you gotta worry about taking kids.
I hate never being able to go anywhere new, see anything new, do anything new. School, meals, naps, sleep. I can't wait for them all to grow up and go away to college. Until then, I'm responsible for them. I'll be 52 when the last leave the house...I'd say half my life will be gone, and I'll have nothing but regrets.
The first kid was ok, I was 28 and figured I would make a good parent. The second got annoying by the time he turned 3. The third and fourth were definitely a mistake in judgement on my part. Should have just said "no ** way" to the wife after the first two. There's times I can't stand the sound of their voices. A couple times I've even gone so far as to wear earplugs and ignore them for an hour or two.
I usually stay up late and deprive myself of hours of sleep, just because I know that the sooner I go to sleep, the sooner another day of dealing with my children will start for me. **, I've gotta get up in 3 1/2 hours to take the older ones to school.
The brief moments of "oh, that's cute" are far overshadowed by the sheer level of ** I hate about parenthood. Passing on my genes is not worth this. If I would have known I'd hate parenthood so much, I'd have gotten a vasectomy at 18.
And to top it all off, I don't drink alcohol. I never acquired a taste for it, and earlier in life had no desire to kill off brain or liver cells, nor give up any self-control. I think I'd like to learn to appreciate a good beer or well-crafted spirit, but I won't. How much more miserable would my life be if I let slip to the wife or others how much I regret almost all of my decisions of the past 18 years (moving to Arizona, having kids, and sometimes even including marriage)?
Why even bother typing this up? I feels a little better just to put it out there, and I know that nobody I know will see this or be able to connect this to me. I put on a pretty decent act as a responsible (and almost caring) parent. I've been living the lie for years.
I was in a similar situation, except really had a connection to this man (now my husband). I've never wanted kids in my whole life. He knew this and still assumed I'd just change my mind because a woman who doesn't want kids is 'just a phase'. After about 5 years together, we were going through some tough times but working things out and then the accidental pregnancy occurred. I didn't want this, but between the difficulties we were getting past and the new guilt trip he was bringing in me for not wanting the baby, I allowed myself to be talked into keeping it. The first six months were absolute **. Things are better now (our child is four), but I have never once been glad that I let my husband talk me into keeping the baby. I love our child, but I truly hate being a parent and feel that it had sucked the life out of me. My husband and I love each other, but our relationship is not as good as it used to be and I think deep down he knows he asked me to do something I never wanted to do. I think now he knows it wasn't just a phase. I will take any opportunity to get out of the house by myself and do what I want to do.
My advice: if you don't want kids, don't have them and don't let anyone talk you into it. Even if you are absolutely in love with someone, don't be talked into it.
Totally agreed. Don't ever let anyone convince you to have a baby with them. It won't make your relationship stronger... You will only end up being bitter towards them.
"I feel like our relationship is finally working, let's ruin it with babies" LOVE that quote. Seriously I've seen that happen A LOT, even men giving their wives, mainly girlfriends "shut up babies". A woman constantly begging/bugging her man to get her pregnant to shut her up already. I guess love is diminishing and relationships are becoming relationshits and children are just born without passion. **.
So do you regret marrying him? Or is putting up with a baby you didn't want but love worth it because you can still be with him?
I think I do regret it, if I'm honest with myself. Love isn't so rare in the world and if not having a child want good enough for him he could've found someone who wanted children and I could've found someone who didn't. I still love my husband, but I also resent him for talking me into something I never wanted. Pregnancy hormones made me quite irrational, too, and I was scared. I think at that time I was more scared of going through an abortion alone than of conceding my thoughts on the topic. But I know I'd be happier now if I'd never had a child, with or without my husband. I still hold hope that it'll get easier when my son is more capable and independent. Don't know if it will, but hope keeps me from running away because I know I'd feel terrible about that forever, too.
Thank you so much for responding to me. I wrote the comment above that you responded to. I keep going back and forth in my mind and am very tempted to call her and tell her we should get back together and that I will have a baby for her. I get lonely, depressed and feel hopeless at times because I am single now. But I know I am dealing with internal issues as opposed to the more tangible financial obligations, time commitments etc.. that come along with having a child. I will stay strong.
**, he just messed you up. Thank God I stayed in my right path. Good luck with all that. I'm pro-choice. Being single is a time to get to know yourself.
Thank you for sharing this.I am 29 and my friends are all having babies.I have never wanted to be a mother,but everyone around me tells me I will regret it if I don't have children. I'm scared that they are right,and that I and my partner will become lonely and socially isolated as we age.i have done a lot of reading on the subject,but what I need are honest thoughts from people like me who now find themselves being parents.so,thank you for helping me to decide.
Your advice is duly noted. Thx!