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I hate being a parent
I don't hate my kids, but I hate being a parent.
I hate not having anything even remotely resembling a social life. I hate changing diapers. I hate cleaning up after my kids. I hate driving some of them to school. I hate having to cook for them all the time. I hate listening to them fight, or cry, or beg for something. I hate having to take them to sports or activities so they're not bored. I hate having to keep watch over them when friends come over to play.
I hate being trapped in ** broiling desert, backwards ** Arizona, just because a job pays well enough to support four kids and moving would mean working for about 1/2 the pay. I've wasted a third of my life in this ** place because I can't afford to move because of these kids. I hate having to keep a close watch over my kids because I live in a ** huge beige and cement city...the more people there are, the more sick ** you gotta worry about taking kids.
I hate never being able to go anywhere new, see anything new, do anything new. School, meals, naps, sleep. I can't wait for them all to grow up and go away to college. Until then, I'm responsible for them. I'll be 52 when the last leave the house...I'd say half my life will be gone, and I'll have nothing but regrets.
The first kid was ok, I was 28 and figured I would make a good parent. The second got annoying by the time he turned 3. The third and fourth were definitely a mistake in judgement on my part. Should have just said "no ** way" to the wife after the first two. There's times I can't stand the sound of their voices. A couple times I've even gone so far as to wear earplugs and ignore them for an hour or two.
I usually stay up late and deprive myself of hours of sleep, just because I know that the sooner I go to sleep, the sooner another day of dealing with my children will start for me. **, I've gotta get up in 3 1/2 hours to take the older ones to school.
The brief moments of "oh, that's cute" are far overshadowed by the sheer level of ** I hate about parenthood. Passing on my genes is not worth this. If I would have known I'd hate parenthood so much, I'd have gotten a vasectomy at 18.
And to top it all off, I don't drink alcohol. I never acquired a taste for it, and earlier in life had no desire to kill off brain or liver cells, nor give up any self-control. I think I'd like to learn to appreciate a good beer or well-crafted spirit, but I won't. How much more miserable would my life be if I let slip to the wife or others how much I regret almost all of my decisions of the past 18 years (moving to Arizona, having kids, and sometimes even including marriage)?
Why even bother typing this up? I feels a little better just to put it out there, and I know that nobody I know will see this or be able to connect this to me. I put on a pretty decent act as a responsible (and almost caring) parent. I've been living the lie for years.
I'm 19 years old and I gave birth to my son 5 months ago. This post described everything I feel except I'm not a man I'm the mother. I'm exhausted. I do it all myself. His father is not in the picture. I feel I'm living a lie too. I figured out this was a huge mistake about a month and a half after he was born. After I had recovered from everything and the insane sleepless nights. I still feel tired though. Not a moment of relaxation. I wish to for a whole day just sit on the couch and binge watch TV or movie's. Like when I look back to my old life it seemed so boring but now that ** is a privilege. And what I related to the most was I stay up insanely late too. Because I know if I fall asleep I'll wake up in the same ** place and doing the same exact thing I hate doing the very next day. I'm so trapped
I went into parenthood eyes wide open and I actually enjoyed the first year. He is 4 now and it's all gone downhill. Needless to say there won't be anymore.
I was the same as you, had mine at 23, when she was about 3 months i realised how much i hated being a mum. I had another which i wanted to abort but my partner didn't want me to. My mum was also against it. The stress these kids cause me has made me suicidal and ill. They are nearly 2 and 4 now and it just gets worse. I can't wait till they are both at school out of my hair all day. I love them so much so alot of guilt for hating being a mum. I was an independent free spirit. I am a shell of who i was and i resent my kids cos of it.
I got married 6 years ago.
Had my first kid within a year if that
Second kid three years later.
Then had my vasectomy. (Because unlike some people, I know when to stop reproducing)
I regretted having a kid almost instantly. I had no idea the level of sacrifice this ** takes.
The kids stress out my marriage, my career, almost every other aspect of my life.
I'm basically going to give up most of my life just so these kids might live a decent life. Hurray!
It does give me purpose at least. Something I lacked before, a purpose. I just wish I could serve that purpose without giving up myself.
It's taking time, but I'm essentially rewiring myself into a dad.
Into someone who can cope with the demanding parent life.
I've just come to accept that this is it, and I have to find a way to live that way now.
Man.. I always felt guilty for feeling exactly like this. Like I was a bad parent/person; feels good to know other guys hate being a father as much as I do. I didn’t even “create” my kid. Started dating his mother when he was 1 he’s now 3 and calls me dad, I care for him etc. if I could date her and not have to deal with a child I would 100%. It’s at the point where I’m considering leaving and I know that’s fxcked, especially since his real dad already bailed. I’m tired of 2 hours of sleep, screaming and tantrums, throwing toys and slamming shxt when he gets mad which is every 20 minutes I swear. I’d never ever hurt him physically/emotionally and I don’t wish him anything negative, just don’t think parenthood’s for me.
No idea how old you are but dude do yourself a favor & find a girlfriend without a kid. It may be hard at first but down the road you won’t regret it. It’s hard enough to deal with your own kid let alone someone else’s. You are lucky this isn’t your kid so you have the option to just run!
If you're feeling like this, get out & get a vasectomy ASAP. It only gets worse. There are lots of child-free people: more than there have been in history. With the internet, it shouldn't be hard to find a potential match in your area. I did it the old-fashioned way 23 yrs ago, when it was much more difficult. My spouse & I have enjoyed our child-free life immensely.
Man, I envy you! I seriously do. Not that it's any easier to leave, but considering this isn't your child, like the other commenter says, you can just leave as it's not yours. No ties. No obligations. No anchor. Go and get the life you know you deserve. Be with someone who doesn't want to be a parent. Live out your days blissfully happy, earning and learning. And be thankful all the days of your life. It's too late for most of us, there's sadly no turning back. Go! Save yourself!
I get it. My wife and I work full time opposite schedules because childcare is so expensive. Depression and loathing of life goes hand in hand with this. Can't self destruct though...gotta provide for my kid. Just **. So bad. So sick of it.
I felt like that when my kids were toddlers. Now they are older it's much easier and I enjoy it much better. We go out and do fun things instead of being stuck at home all the time. You sound overwhelmed why don't you save some money and go on a trip get out of town even if it's only for a few days? If you truly hate your kids then you should give them up you don't deserve to be a dad. I don't think you really hate them I think you are just overwhelmed and depressed. Get help for the depression too.
He never once said he hated his kids. Read the post thoroughly before commenting and giving advice.
.....the kids probably hate that your a parent too.................
You have no actual proof of this. Don't be holier than thou. Only three periods are necessary for ellipses.
Probably has no idea what ellipses are
I am totally with you, bro, and I only have 2!
I'm a 49 year old man with a wife 10 years younger and an 11 year old son. Never wanted to get married nor have children. I dated all the time and was engaged before I dated my present wife but couldn't pull the trigger on the wedding. All the arrangements and preparations made me to sickenly anxious that I called it off only a few months before. My wife and I had our child before we were married and that freaked me out when she told me she was pregnant. I'm a retired police officer who became a professional sports handicapper, which means I wager on sports for a living. I love it because I'm my own boss and I get to dictate how much money I make. It's all about the freedom that enthralled me plus I was very good at it. But once my wife became pregnant I lost it all! Over 250k of saved money and bank roll. I panicked thinking I needed to make millions. My wife is a career woman and has always made a decent salary and I have a decent pension along with health coverage but I've made so many poor decisions selling valuable property that has increased in value so much along with yielding excellent rental income. I'm a stay at home Dad taking care of my wife, son and 87 year old mother because we bought a mother daughter home in the suburbs. To the average person it seems like I have it all. An attractive wife, good health, a beautiful son, both parents still alive and your traditional center ball colonial home. Underneath it all I'm miserable, broke and not nearly as fit or attractive as I once was. I did an amazing job with my son when he was an infant according to all but most things come easy to me ranging from school to work and the ability to network and socialize and I have not given my best to any facet of family life or at least the level I know I'm capable. Im an underachiever. It all stems from being a victim of sexual abuse as a child at the hands of a half sibling. I also come from a broken home.
I never wanted children. I told every woman I've ever dated that if she wanted kids that I was not the guy for her. Then I met my son's mother. She said she couldn't have kids and didn't want any. Then she gets pregnant and does a complete 180. So now I am stuck doing the one thing with my life that I NEVER wanted to do. So now I am stuck helping raise a child, that I love, but never wanted. Thinking about all the things I could have been doing with my life by now, that I will NEVER get to do. There are days I just wish I could end it all, but like with everything else now. I have to think about my kid first and his well-being. So I am stuck wishing I could go back in time and have prevented myself from every having met the **.
Hate isn't a strong enough word. My dumb ** had two out of wedlock with to old farts hat could give two sh**s about them. No child support for fifteen years with one and nine with the other. Icing6on the cake my daughter gets pregnant her senior year. My niece gives birth 10 months ago. And I'm back to rearing children again. A sick joke is what this is.
So my story..none of my kids were planned. Not a ** one. Was on birth control with three and still got pregnant. See here is the thing I had kids because I loved my ex husband and ex fiance..so I thought having a kid came a long with it. But then it doesn't work? Now what? I am hear with two different visitation schedules with never one solid weekend to myself. My ex says I am bitter..I don't even deny it. He still travels and for the most part lives like a single person. I love my kids but truly hate my life. Just a mess....
Im 38 iv got 4 of them..16,13,3,14wks ....I sometimes can't even think properly,iv developed heart palpitations and even think about ** off...my fella works hard and expects to do as little as possible at home!!!!I never get a free ** minute ,even now the baby is lying on me..
I hate my ** life too. I hate that my kids fathers love while I am stuck in this ** like quick sand. The dad's get deprived of their life every other weekend yet every day all day I am here. No peace, no travel, no life, just this shotty ads existence
I feel the same way with only one. As most here say the same, I think we all need to be big advocates for free birth control for everyone. It sounds like most here made the decision to have kids, but 50% of pregnancies are not planned and I imagine a huge percentage of those 50% regret getting pregnant and keeping the kid. Would a free vasectomy prevented your second, third or fourth? Universal birth control access of all kinds will help people not make the mistakes we all did. And we won't have to pay with the kids that are dropped into the system.
I haven't got children yet but when I see parents out and about with their kids on the surface most look happy (and I'm sure many are) they smile, laugh and play with them and it looks great. For those parents who are over age 35 and with children over the age of 5 who say they regret having children would you say that you act this way? When you're around your kids or in public would anyone know how you really feel?
I can't hide it. I'm a miserable shell of my former self and I don't care who knows it. The happy ones who regret are on medication and/or deluding themselves.
I don't care how knows it. I tell women all the time don't do it. I looks good but it's **.
It's all for show. The "happy" parents you see are keeping up appearances, running on coffee, 2 hours of sleep and self-loathing. Hollywood and advertising has created a modern myth where parenting and children are magical unicorns with laughter on fluffy pink clouds. Now we're forced to live the torture of that myth.
I appreciate your honesty.