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I hate being a parent
I don't hate my kids, but I hate being a parent.
I hate not having anything even remotely resembling a social life. I hate changing diapers. I hate cleaning up after my kids. I hate driving some of them to school. I hate having to cook for them all the time. I hate listening to them fight, or cry, or beg for something. I hate having to take them to sports or activities so they're not bored. I hate having to keep watch over them when friends come over to play.
I hate being trapped in ** broiling desert, backwards ** Arizona, just because a job pays well enough to support four kids and moving would mean working for about 1/2 the pay. I've wasted a third of my life in this ** place because I can't afford to move because of these kids. I hate having to keep a close watch over my kids because I live in a ** huge beige and cement city...the more people there are, the more sick ** you gotta worry about taking kids.
I hate never being able to go anywhere new, see anything new, do anything new. School, meals, naps, sleep. I can't wait for them all to grow up and go away to college. Until then, I'm responsible for them. I'll be 52 when the last leave the house...I'd say half my life will be gone, and I'll have nothing but regrets.
The first kid was ok, I was 28 and figured I would make a good parent. The second got annoying by the time he turned 3. The third and fourth were definitely a mistake in judgement on my part. Should have just said "no ** way" to the wife after the first two. There's times I can't stand the sound of their voices. A couple times I've even gone so far as to wear earplugs and ignore them for an hour or two.
I usually stay up late and deprive myself of hours of sleep, just because I know that the sooner I go to sleep, the sooner another day of dealing with my children will start for me. **, I've gotta get up in 3 1/2 hours to take the older ones to school.
The brief moments of "oh, that's cute" are far overshadowed by the sheer level of ** I hate about parenthood. Passing on my genes is not worth this. If I would have known I'd hate parenthood so much, I'd have gotten a vasectomy at 18.
And to top it all off, I don't drink alcohol. I never acquired a taste for it, and earlier in life had no desire to kill off brain or liver cells, nor give up any self-control. I think I'd like to learn to appreciate a good beer or well-crafted spirit, but I won't. How much more miserable would my life be if I let slip to the wife or others how much I regret almost all of my decisions of the past 18 years (moving to Arizona, having kids, and sometimes even including marriage)?
Why even bother typing this up? I feels a little better just to put it out there, and I know that nobody I know will see this or be able to connect this to me. I put on a pretty decent act as a responsible (and almost caring) parent. I've been living the lie for years.
Hubby and I had only one kid. Thank god. That's what we both wanted and we have no regrets. I hope it gets better for you.
And this is why I'm childfree...
Take your birth control as if your life will end without it because it will.
My first is a week old. My wife and I never seriously discussed kids before we got married. She wanted kids. I don't. I made my case for all the reasons we should not have children. She even agreed with a lot of my reasoning, but got to a point that it was a completely irrational desire. I felt like it was either have a kid or end the marriage. Our relationship deteriorated throughout the pregnancy. I can't help feeling like we're just partners in this now to deal with what we've done. I'm feeling overwhelming sadness and dread for what the rest of my life is.
Just make sure this kid is your first and only. You can recover your relationship and somewhat of your life from one but you won't have a hope in ** with two or more. Good luck!
I am a mother and I'm so glad I read this. Ironically my first born was not planned and I begged my then husband to put him up for adoption. However, after he was born we bonded instantly. He's quiet, even tempered, smart, well behaved, great student, everything. When I had my daughter I expected more of the same. WRONG. I can't stand her 90% of the time. She screams constantly, just to hear herself. She scratches and bites because she thinks it's funny. She won't sit still to get dressed, or get in the car seat. Every meal she flings food all over the place. It's exhausting. If my first born was like this I would never have had two. I still enjoy spending time with my son, but so much of my time is consumed keeping her out of trouble I rarely have time for him. I hate it!
This is all very true.
I enjoyed my first child, but deeply, deeply regret having a second a decade later.
Just feel like I'm too old to do this and just want some time to myself. But that's not going to happen until I'm over 60 now.
OMG! Thank you so much. I feel the same. These kids arent mine and i'm not a man, i'm just a stepmom and I hate it. The exact same way as you do.
I also dread going home after work. Kids ruin everything. Can't even sit down for ONE second without being harassed by them. No breaks. And nobody cares i've noticed. Nobody wants to hear me complain. TS I guess. Life **. I wish I could be a hermit in the mountains. I shouldn't of had kids. I can't believe i was one. Sheesh, sorry all the adults that had to deal with me.....sincerely.
So glad I made the decision to be One and Done! Parenthood is a ** trap. Once was enough for me to see that.
Parenthood is sold under the cosy blanket of Love and Happiness™ but is an endless load of **, headache and heartache. My child is in his late teens now soon to leave home for college and I'm counting down the days. I have nothing left. I'm exhausted.
I dream of coming home to an empty house. Better still, I dream of setting up home somewhere far away from all human life with only trees for company so I can maybe regain some of the energy I've lost over the past 17 years.
If someone had shown me what parenthood was REALLY like, I would've returned my ovaries in a shot... and asked for a receipt as proof.
Parenthood has left me depressed, angry, pessimistic, sad, dreamless and made me suicidal. I am a shell of myself.
I wasn't meant to be a parent (some are, some aren't). I will never do this or anything remotely like this (marriage, cohabitate, long-term friendship, lengthy phone contract) ever again.
I think about suicide every day
If only I could like a thousand times. Me exactly. Sitting here with both kids fighting and yelling. I want the hermit life. Sadly I have a 3 and 6 year old so 15 more years of torture. Suicide looks better and better each day. Got my letters written.
Wake up in **
Dont do it luv..
Ha. I NEVER ever wanted kids, and guess what?
I'm thrilled with my decision.
Don't get me wrong, ,I feel for you, but you went and had FOUR kids.
Then why don't u just give up full custody and go on with your life?
This is always suggested in posts like this. "Give them up for adoption" In actual fact it is not that easy. You will always worry about what happens to them. You feel bad if they end up in a bad situation. Most people hating parenthood may be responsible beings too. Your marriage will end if your partner does not feel the same. You will be shunned by society. Shunned by family. Abandoning kids is a taboo.
I love my kids so much and thinking about anything hurting them makes sick. If anything happened to them where I lost them, it would be hard for me to go on.
That being said... I hate parenthood! It has caused me such stress and depression. I love my time to myself but now have none. I do the same thing staying up late to get some alone time even if it means I will be dead tired the next day. I find my self snapping or yelling at them because I have no more patients. I sometimes feel like I just can't keep living in this purgatory.
And again at the same time I feel unbelievable guilt for these thought because I do love my kids so much. I'm pulled in both directions and it's so overwhelming. I try to get joy in the small moments and family time but really just find myself wanting to get away from it and be alone. I often think driving home, "what if I just don't go back."
I was always the nurturing friend and the best babysitter so I thought motherhood was perfect for me. I wish now I could go back and tell myself to wait on the kids thing. But see now that brings a shot of guilt because thinking about never getting to know my children makes me sad, too. I just want to be happy but I don't know how.
This is how I feel too. I thought I would be a natural at parenthood but not so much. I just want to be alone most of the time and the guilt I feel is unbelievable.
Because the guy is taking his responsabilities?
What an ignorant comment. Anyone with kids and heart knows that isn't possible.
To who! Thaat's a stupid question! ** I have black kids they won't even get adopted
I'd adopt a little black kid. Means nothing to me. I have two kids and today has been a bad day, but I'd still adopt if given the chance. Wont have one though, I'm poor.
True story
Vasectomy after my second kid. I'm done. A lot of this same stuff.
I feel the same. My life is totally ruined. I used to have a career, dreams of owning my own city apartment, used to have an active social life, exciting travels, wine and dine, theater and events. All gone. I used to be jovial, happy and attractive. All gone. I am angry and miserable every day. Gave up my career for the kids. No time nor money to upkeep myself. Look like s*** everyday. Motherhood bliss? I feel none of that. It's just a long prison sentence for me. My life is over.
Makes me feel a million times better that I'm not alone. They drive me ** nuts.
I hate being a parent too. I'm 22 and mother of a 4 year old boy.
In high school, I was the popular girl who got a lot of attention, because I was tall, leggy, pretty, blonde, and had big **. I matured sexually very early. The coolest guy in school and I started dating, and playing with each other's bodies was new and exciting. We used condoms almost all of the time, but sometimes we had quickies and stuff where he'd just pull out. We really thought we were in love. Well, in my senior year, I discovered I was pregnant.
I had no idea at the time what this meant to my future. No idea. I'm working a low-level job, because I don't have a degree, the demands of being a mom wear me out daily, and the guy who impregnated me is gone and living some other life with some other woman. My son also has developed slowly. The doctors don't think he's autistic, but he really has not developed socially like normal. I've had to take him to all kinds of specialists and even with insurance it's bone-crushing expensive.
If I could roll this whole thing back, I would. I swear I get more happiness being around our dog and cat sometimes, than being around our son, whom I do love, don't get me wrong. I also have a really hard time dating, because people don't want to be around my baggage. I'm just tired and burned out all of the time.
Why didn't you get an abortion? And didn't you realize how hard it would be?
I think this whole "single moms yay"! thing is wrong. It's better for kids to have two parents.
I'm not being sarcastic, just curious.
Abortion is NOT evil.
Evil is having a kid you don't want.
Was all your so called fun times with that user of worth it?
Father of 2 boys aged 15 and 11. Man...it's a tough road. I love them both and I want to be a good dad but I've become convinced that some people just aren't built for fatherhood/parenthood. If I could go back in time knowing what I do now, would I choose not to have kids? I don't know...it would be tempting. I might even choose not to get married. My wife and I are divorcing as it is and looking back I don't even know if I really ever loved her to begin with. Sometimes you make choices just because you feel like it's what you "should" be doing. I certainly tried my best to keep it all together and never wanted to have it end up like it has, but here I am.
I'm too selfish to be a good dad. I've spent a lot of time over the years doing things with my sons, but never willingly. I think they could always sense that I would have preferred to be doing something else when I was playing with them or hanging out with them. My older boy hates me. He has been a difficult kid to handle for many years and the past couple its been terrible. I want to find a way to navigate through this awful period with him and for both of us to come out OK but man I hate dealing with the constant drama and endless anxiety. It's misery. He lives with me but doesn't talk or interact with me at all - just relentless anger and basically obnoxiousness from him all the time no matter what I try and do - and sadly I've pretty much stopped trying to do a lot at this point. It's pretty much just let's get him through to 18 and maybe he'll move out and realize he needs to do something for himself.
...carrying on
My younger boy is much less difficult and his personality is far more accommodating and we have good times together. Even so, I often find myself frustrated and wishing I could just do what I want to do without having to think of "fun" stuff to do with him to fill our time together. I worry that at some point he might go "off the rails" like the older one has even though he exhibits none of his troubling characteristics....
But just in general, there is so much of being a parent that I absolutely hate. I'm introverted by nature and really not confrontational so I take no pleasure at all in having to meet and greet other parents or in dealing with the many issues that arise from managing kids lives. I have a hard time dealing with irrationality which made it difficult to navigate the waters of earlier childhood, since young children are completely irrational. Unfortunately I'm finding teens are even worse. I just don't have the patience necessary for it. I'm a terrible "detail person." Organizing and managing the minutia of daily life as a parent is incredibly taxing for me - the doctors appointments and school stuff and sports and all that - which meant that I ended up off-loading a lot of it on my wife and that lead to her resenting me and on and on. I've learned I'm also a control freak and I find it incredibly hard to let my kids be kids because I'm always on top of them so they don't break ** or damage the house or what not. I find myself trying to keep everyone separate and in their own space so I can keep any trouble from starting in the first place. I also hate all the noises kids make constantly - drives me nuts. Like I said, just not built for parenting.
...and finally
I long for quite time to myself, but on those occasions when I actually get some, I end up sitting on the couch watching TV and looking at the walls...and there's never a time when there isn't a low hum of anxiety in my gut. I'm anxious about what might be going on when my kids are with my wife, and I'm anxious about the fact that my kids (mostly the older one) will be back with me soon. I find myself dreaming of taking off to live in a cabin in the woods with nothing more than a wall full of book-filled shelves and an endless supply of coffee.