I cant escape myself
When I was 5 years old I went over to my neighbors house and their sons were showing each other their d**** and then got me to show them mine. Then when I was ten I ended up playing with my friends d*** and he played with mine when we were playing truth or dare. Even when I was younger after I got introduced to these kind of things I would always try to seduce my male friends, almost every single one of them even ones that I didn't like that much.
I've messed around with guys off of Craigslist probably about 10 to 15 guys as an adult. ive also been in a romantic relationship with a 14 year old boy when I was 20, I've also messed around with other boys that were much younger than me, but I didn't force then or anything, but every single time I've basically despised myself more and more. It seems like I can't escape this lifestyle boys and guys in general just seem attracted to me and want to get physically close to me, sometimes I keep my distance from friends that care just because I don't want to seduce them and turn them into what I am.
I want to get married and have kids but I feel like its not fair to drag a girl into my screwed up sexual world. I feel like God is changing me slowly but its hard to believe sometimes.