I Used To Be Scared Shitless Of Bears

Once upon a time I was scared shitless of bears. No lie. When I was little a bear ransacked my parent's camp and destroyed a tent I'd been in. Luckily I had left the tent to take a pee before the bear tore up the tent, but I screamed and cried when I saw what the bear had done and believed he would have killed me if I had been in the tent.

Ever since then when I saw a bear in a photo or on TV I got scared and my hands would shake, but no more.

I took Karate. Now I know I can f*** up a bear bigtime. If one comes at me, I'll hit that b**** with a spinning back kick in the liver, or I'll take his head off with a crescent kick. And I got loads of other s*** I could put his lights out with.

I go camping all the time now praying one of those bears screws with me so I can f*** him up.

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  • Dude, that's some crazy s***. Nobody can f*** up a bear. I don't care how much martial arts he knows. A bear will tear a human to pieces. It's a no win. And even if you could land a good kick on him, you'd just p*** him off and he finish you faster.

    Believe me, f****** with a bear would be like walking through a den of hungry lions with a pork chop between your teeth. Don't do it, Dude.

  • Been there. Tried it. Now I'm a f****** amputee. I shot my fastest kick at the bear's solar plexus and he caught it in midair and ripped my leg off. If it wasn't for the quick actions of a forest ranger, I wouldn't be here today. Moral of the story: Don't attempt beatdowns with bears. Nature has endowed them with lightning fast reflexes and terrifying power.

  • I deal with beers a dozen at a time.

  • Thank you Foster Brookes...

  • Yep...a Karate fight with a bear. Sure you will come out well.
    Good luck hitting puberty.


  • will you ever shoot a bear,and get away with it.no.the law will never let you shoot a Bear,unless the bear is Agressive.you cannot shoot a Bear minding it's own Business.It is against the Law.

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