I'm overweight.

I'm fat and I hate myself for it. I feel like other people find me disgusting so I never make eye contact with people. I feel bad when I think a guy is cute because he would probably be disgusted to know that someone like me was looking at him. I don't even like to leave my house because other people shouldn't have to look at me. I've tried so hard and got so desperate to change and loose weight that I've developed an eating disorder. I don't want to tell anyone because they will wonder how someone so fat can claim to have an eating problem. I feel like I will never be happy and no one will ever want to be around me unless I look good and weigh less.

I used to be fairly confident despite my weight but people slowly wore me with rude comments and nasty looks. They didn't stop until I saw how completely unacceptable it was for me to look this way.

So now I hate myself and it feels like I will always hate myself even though I am losing the weight.

Jul 9, 2012

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  • I know it's very easy to say things and that I can't pretend to know exactly how you feel. But here's what I think. You say, "I feel like I will never be happy and no one will ever want to be around me unless I look good and weigh less." I struggled with eating disorders for some years, and even though I was not very overweight, I realized that no one will ever want to be around me unless I want to be around myself. It's not about hating yourself enough to force yourself to lose weight; it's about loving yourself enough to know you deserve a change.

    As long as you're aggressive with yourself, I don't think it can work. Maybe it does for some people, but I don't think the motive is right. People are mean. People are rude. But at the end of the day, how much you weigh will not really affect their lives- they make that nasty comment and then move on. It's about you. Do you want to lose the weight to carry yourself more lightly through life, to live longer, to have a stronger heart? Never make it about people. F*** people. Think guess what- I can look this way if I want to, and it's none of your f****** business. I'm a classical musician, and some of the musicians I adore most in history are overweight. Incredible singers, brilliant pianists and violinists. They radiate such charm. Don't wait to lose the weight to be beautiful. Wear a smile. Dress nice. Do your hair. Walk like you're beautiful and you will be, seriously. But you need to feel it from within- it has to be sincere. This overused cliche about "love yourself"- I wish it weren't so worn out, because it is so real and SO important. And so f****** HARD. You are not the mass of your body- you are your thoughts, your experience, your actions. And of course being healthier will make you happier- it will make you think clearer, breath better, live happier.

    You are worth it:)

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