Should I try suicide a second time? (PLEASE RESPOND)
1.) I'm a 19 year old virgin. I had one boyfriend a couple years ago. The kicker: not even that was real because he was using me to get to his ex-girlfriend who he is to this day still obsessed with. I knew this from the beginning and still went along with it.
2.) I wouldn't say I'm unattractive; I've actually been asked out quite a few times. The real reason I've never had a boyfriend is because I have impossibly high standards. Or do I have impossibly high standards because I don't really want to risk losing myself to a relationship? Or maybe I'm only attracted to guys who are just too good for me and I'm just taking it out on the ones who do want me, like a "if he won't have me then nobody will" thing.
3.) I have lost all passion for everything. I'm a college student and couldn't get a summer job (because my high school job screwed me over) and I haven't left my house in two days. I just alternate between computer-book-tv all day and can't sleep at night. I have no interest to do anything and then I go on facebook, see everyone having a great summer and I want to shoot myself.
4.) I had a really painful childhood and family life and the depression and fear that came with that never. goes. away.
5.) Being home makes me feel like I'm back in highschool again, like college never happened. High school was bad for me and I hate feeling like I'm nothing more than that awkward, insecure, little girl again.
6.)Why, if I'm so lonely, does it feel like such a chore to talk to and make plans with my friends?? And these are good friends that I actually like. Why do I enjoy isolating myself?