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I drink to forget her
I've become an alcoholic because I can't seem to stop thinking about my ex even in my sleep. I've tried keeping busy, dating and even traveling a bit but every night I sleep sober or curl up at night sober she runs through my head and I don't get any sleep. I've come to terms it wasn't all my fault and I'm not sure If I still miss her but I think I feel guilty still for all the arguments I could have just walked away from. It ended badly so theres no way to get any "closure" to see if I could fix my guilt. Dreams of her shake me from my sleep if I'm not black out drunk.
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Life isnt a fairy tale and there is no happy ending. the pain will be there always. but if it makes u feel any better there will be a few more girls later on that will make u feel the same way. love is just some **, unless u get lucky. hope u do.
I've been through this myself. It's not easy. And i won't lie to you, it will keep hurting for a while... perhaps try to reconcile, but if you're not sure you miss her you may already have your answer on if you want to get back together at all. If things were really that bad, its probably not worth it.
Your sadness is understandable, an inevitable result of losing something that was once a big part of your life, whether you still loved it or not. Eventually, the pain will go, especially if you concentrate on other things in your life. Alcohol can be an okay temporary fix, for moments at a time, but as a depressent it will only make the long term worse, and by delaying your feelings you just prolong them.
Just face your fears as best you can, sober, and eventually the pain will fade away... other things will come along and take your attention away, and then all this will be a memory, and just that.
*MistaJ
** I know how you feel. Never really drank in my 40+ years, now drink just to forget the ones I loved. Yeah more than one. First is the one that got away so many years ago which killed the potential for the one that I should have stayed with. SO the one that got away, went away, the one that I dumped just dumpped me after a retry (she did to me what I did to her). Anyway a double heartbreak later, I drink every night to forget, escape the pain of being hurt and hurting from the two great loves in my life. I play the song Whiskey Lullaby on repeat for hours....... It's all I have left.
You love her. Tell her how you really feel before you lose her to someone else. And keep your promises if she takes you back because if you don't, you will lose her forever.