I wish that I could tell him ..

I've known this guy for almost 12 months now. I've grown to like him, i may even love him a little. We would talk almost everyday on facebook and skype and hang out a few times every week. We became best friends. I enjoy his company. Every time that I was sad, he told me to smile and that tomorrow will be a better day. He supported me. About 3 months ago, one of my friends told me that he ( the guy I liked ) told her that he liked her. Honestly, I felt like crying, but I held it in.. The day she told me, I told myself to forget about him, since he liked her. At first, I knew that it was going to be difficult, but I had to.. A month pasted, I haven't gotten over him. One day, I played 21Q with him.. That's when I confirmed that he still likes her, a lot. He told me everything. His feelings for her, why he likes her.. I cried that night. It hurt. My heart hurt, ached. I've never had a boyfriend, ever felt this way about someone. I never want a boyfriend to be honest, because I'll just get hurt. But I don't know what to do. So, instead of ignoring his feelings for her, I promised myself that I would help him. I wanted him to be HAPPY. He told me that she didnt like him. I thought to myself ' Who wouldn't like you.. ' We spent every night talking about his feelings for her, I cried those nights too. I want to tell him so bad that I love him. But, he loves someone else. And it hurts me to see him hurt by someone that doesn't love him back. He said that he'll just smile, hiding his pain. I didn't want him to do that.. I wanted him to show his true feelings. I don't know why to do anymore.. A few days ago when we were hanging out together, I was so close to telling him. But I couldn't. My best friends told me to tell him. But I'm so scared of what he's going to say. Even if I do tell him, it will change everything. I want to be with him. Even if it means just staying as best friends. Now, he's sad, depressed. He keeps telling me not to worry about him, and that he'll deal with it. I worry for him. I cry for him while exposes a fake smile to people around him. Everyday, I ask him if he's alright. He lies to me. I can't support him the way he supported me. One day, I will tell him that I love him... But that's when I say good-bye to him...

Aug 11, 2012

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