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to others i act like i'm happy, and
to others i act like i'm happy, and have a positive outlook on life.
i criticize others for being sad, but when i am i expect sympahty from them
i become so frusterated and upset with myself, my mind makes up problems and i become lost in a big mess of made up **.
sometimes, i just wish i would "accidently" die.
So your purposely hoping for a accident?
when you pretend to be happy, oftentimes others can't tell, so they don't know to show their sympathy. trust though, that there are people who care immensely about you, people who would be devastated if anything happened to you.
Clarification: there's always a way out of sadness and depression. And every has to deal with it to a certain level or another. Try to open up to people more, share with them, even though they will hurt you. Forgive them and try again.
You'll find your way. Do you believe in God?
Albanians have a saying... Hope dies last.
Don't let hope die in you. There's always a way out.