Today has been a weird day. Navigating work is becoming easier, I am struggling to not to polish this for you future self. Last night I came to the realization, through helping a friend, by telling them about my life struggles, that this year has been a huge battle and that in truth I have risen to the challenge. I was actually proud of my self, and people have been saying that word to me more and more frequently. It has been heavy on my heart and mind that my search may have ruined myself to the ones I love and hold in esteem. I hope they see what the ones who know do. I am desperately trying to learn rhythm and pace. I know rhythm but cannot produce it thus far. I need to find rhythm so that I may sustain this progress and parlay this into something worthy of notice and respect. I have been loved, feared, and envied, but I'm not sure that respect is listed. Respect is a combination of being loved for what you have done, and feared for the crushing force at which you meet resistance or slip around it through intellect. All I want to do, is do what I want, while hurting as few possible, and if I create something worthy of pause... I wish to bring as many with as possible. I love her deeper than I knew I was capable of. I am afraid that she is either threatened by me our that she thinks herself my superior. I will not compete with my mate, nor do I wish to her to feel inferior, but how do I make her stop without cutting deep? Why does she not wish to show anything of herself to me. I feel like what I have, I steal. I do not wish to steal knowledge of my own love. The more that I know that she doesn't tell the less I find myself capable of trust. Momentum is gaining and with any stitch of pace, I will be unstoppable. Be the Lion or get out of his way.