I obsess over my husband's ex girlfriend
I have been married to my husband for over 4 years, but for about 3 now I cannot help but be nearly destroyed by the idea that I am merely a consolation prize.
I think about this person at least once a day. It's rather embarrassing and I haven't told anyone. She is a fitness instructor and as you can imagine, extremely regimented, and fit to the point of silliness.
I deleted my facebook account because all I would see each day were photos she'd post of herself in skin tight workout gear, stretched into a pretzel.
Then came the friend request to my husband: they dated almost 11 years and he has known her since he was in high school, so I justified the friendship but was still quite annoyed by the online communication.
She would like pictures of him and comment often...send invites to parties she'd host.
I finally lost it, and deleted mine after an argument on what's acceptable & what's not. She tagged him in an album of a trip they had taken when they were together, and baited him for responses as to where they were...which he took some time to respond.
All in all, I saw it as a very mean incident, which whether or not it was intentional, had me (his wife and mother to his child) feeling very left out and not "in on the joke"...I wouldn't do that and instead of confronting her, I deleted my facebook account entirely.
I didn't want to continually dwell on the photos and the posts.
This was 2 years ago and she still lingers in my thoughts.
My husband is an a-type personality and so is she...I am not. I've always been free-spirited and nothing has bothered me to the extent that this does. I feel like through this marriage and our relationship I have had to force 2 people to not be friends, which isn't right but I feel that when somebody ends a relationship, they move on and allow the other the space to do so. She ignored him for over a year after they split, calling sporadically and about nothing in particular. After we began dating and she discovered this, she would call weekly, and ask for favors (like moving furniture!) To which he complied. All the while in a relationship herself.
I can't be this type of person. Throughout this time, I feel that by letting this trivial subject bother me I have let myself down, and changed for the worse by not being as carefree, and being angry over it?
I don't like myself for comparing myself to her.
It's been years.
I should have moved on, and I have considered divorce even to rid myself of this ex of his filling my thoughts and feeding my insecurities.
I need help.