I really want to confront my life long friend

We are both now in our 40's. I've been friends with him since I was 5. We grew up on the same block. He brought the house where he grew up and my parents still see him.

We went on different paths in life but I thought that bond was always there. I was in his wedding party, he was in mine. Both his parents died before he was out of HS and my parents treated him like another son.

I recognize our lives are different, but it really bothered me and still bothers me that not once during my year long treatment for cancer did he ever call me. I spent two weeks in the hospital after surgery and no one call or visit.

I want to send him an email and ask what did I ever do to him, but what's the point.

While I'm bothered that he never showed any concern, I'm more bothered that he doesn't even say hello or wave to my parent's anymore.

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  • Isn't it great when someone you've known all your life nopes out when you need them? It's like "wow, I thought you were family, but turns out you're not." Life being what it is, something like what you went through is coming his way sooner or later. Enjoy cheerfully pretending he doesn't exist when he comes crawling to YOU for much-needed support. Maybe he'll learn his lesson. :)

  • From experience I'm pretty sure he couldn't deal with you having the big C, a lot of people can't or don't want to see or think of someone they care about dying. A lot of people still consider cancer to be a death sentence.
    My hubby couldn't spend time with either of his parents when they were sick, he just wanted to remember them the way they were, and the same with two of his good friends, he couldn't ask them anything about it, he just didn't want to know, I had to pretty much force him to visit them.
    I also believe that your friend won't look at or wave to your parents because he feels guilty for not seeing you or calling he probably feels too much time has passed to make up for his denial. I say call him and give him the chance to explain. I hope you're in remission, if not stay positive, it can be beaten.

  • What the person said under me is right. thats most likely why. but i would still email him and ask what you did to make him so ... standoffish

  • Maybe after he lost his parents he doesn't want to get too close because a loss would be too much for him to handle.

  • Even if your lives are different, it shouldn't take much to reach out and just let someone know that you care. But it sounds like your friend may have never learned that lesson.

    For you to put this to rest, you should call him. This doesn't have to be a confrontation. You're clearly hurt and he should know. This isn't some random person. Be prepared, he may not have an answer for you as to why. Not everyone knows how to deal with sickness or death, and maybe your friend finds it easier to ignore then to confront these types of situations. Maybe he never dealt with his own parents deaths and this is how he deals..

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