My last confession

I don't know what else to say other than I'm done, I'm in so much financial debt, I lost my job and don't really feel good anymore. I don't have anyone to talk to, my parents have their own problems, my brother isn't very helpful and my girlfriend wouldn't understand. I wake up everyday wishing I hadn't, I know it's depression but I can't afford to get help and everyone thinks I'm happy and enjoying life, but I'm not, I put on my happy face so no one will ask me questions.

I'm back living with my parents and my girlfriend is pushing me to move out with her which I can't afford and I tell her that, I've used all my savings to pay my bills , she asks me if we can move out before Xmas but there is no way in h***, I did get a new job but they pay monthly so a week before Xmas is when I'll get my first pay. My car failed on me and cost $1000 to fix, she tells me to buy another one $8000, I could just afford the $1000 where does she think $8000 was coming from? She isn't a b**** or anything like that I really do love her, I just don't get what she's thinking sometimes.

I think in the end I just can't be bothered anymore I'm sick of not being happy, I've had enough of faking it to people, so I came on here and at least get it all off my chest. I'm a type 1 diabetic for a long time now and the funny thing is it's not bothered me to have it, it's my one constant in my life, but I'm getting so broke that I can't afford food to even live which sort of sucks. My last confession is I have tried twice in overdosing on insulin and I'll tell you you need a h*** of a lot for anything to happen, I'll try again I know but I'll give credit to the body it's quite resilient.

Don't make the mistake of thinking things will just happen because they don't, you have to make things happen and don't be stupid and delay doing things, do them now and work h****** creating a happy life for yourself and don't let anyone put you down or think you can't do any good, my parents never encouraged me to do anything and I look back on it now I shouldn't have wanted it, I should have encouraged myself and that's what I regret the most, I missed my opportunities.

Nov 8, 2013

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  • I meant to say you can't reverse the permanence of death...

  • I hope I can find the words to offer a little comfort. Times for you may look dark at this moment but taking yourself out should not be the solution. You can overcome your financial situation... You can't reverse the permanence. If you are having food issues, you can always look into food stamps as a temporary solution ... That 's why it's there. Maybe there are food pantries as well as another option. Look for resources in your area. You should also seek a professional; there are often free resources in many cities that provide help as needed. Please start loving yourself and don't give in to those forces attempting to destroy you. God Bless.

  • I really hope this isn't your last confession and that you realize that you're just going through an incredibly trying time in your life. It will pass, you just have to hang on. It is so hard to make things happen when you're suffering from depression. And when you're situation seems dire, it's even harder to find motivation to change it. But you said it.. you have to make things happen. It's also really easy to get caught up in the negative..what you don't have, what you can't do etc... But look, things aren't that bad. You have a roof over your head, a car, a girlfriend and a job. A lot of people can't say that. Maybe if you have to, you get a second job to get you back on your feet. I'm always amazed when I hear stories of people who have children and work 2 or 3 jobs to make ends meet. Your best bet is to stay at your parents house until you can get back on your feet again. Your girlfriend just wants to the best for you even if she's being financially unrealistic. Perhaps you can go to a free clinic to see if they can get you meds for the depression. If it's mild, sometimes diet and exercise can help lift your moods. You still have opportunities out there. Encourage yourself to get out there. There are 80 year olds who go back to school. This is just a small bump in the road of life, it will make you stronger.

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