Nothing has changed

CS ~ You came over today like I asked you to and you took the time to help where I needed you to. I was fine all morning and then your text came telling me you were on your way made the nervous knots show up in my stomach, my hands shake, my heart race and my face flush. I was hoping that not seeing you for a while would make this all disappear... I was wrong.

The minute I heard the door open my heart skipped a beat and I had to focus so as not to fall to the floor. Talking to you at my table, joking and laughing made everything come back to me and I wanted you to stay longer.

I wanted to hug you when you came in, I wanted to even just touch your hand as I gave you the pen and when I walked you to the door as you left I wanted to hold you for fear of it being the last time for a while that I get to see you. But there are boundaries; spouses, kids and the feeling that you do not look at me the same way I look at you.

I'm losing whats left of my mind in your absence and in your presence.

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