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Social phobic ptsd victim making it one day at a time.
I've had a hard life, grew up in a crazy family (i mean the courts found them criminally insane)
I've been nearly drowned (head held under pond water until i lost consciousnesses
burned, beaten and emotionally tortured
now as an adult i live in constant fear, a smiling face, a sudden motion, a loud noise can send me into a panic attack
i've spent years cultivating a calm unconcerned mask i show to the world but inside it hurts so much just being near other people. even at home behind 3 sets of locked door i still feel vulnerable and affraid
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sdf
You had an even harder life,than i did,buddy.get over it and forget all of already,if you put your mind to it,you can forget all of it.just try really hard at it.and forget it,do not even make your problems a part of your life.for all of your problems,you are not to blame for your problems,forget all your problems and move forward with your life.
Clearly you need professional help. That's not a bad thing. Living in fear is a bad thing. you're depriving yourself of the joy of life. It doesn't have to be this way. You're not alone.