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Social phobic ptsd victim making it one day at a time.
I've had a hard life, grew up in a crazy family (i mean the courts found them criminally insane)
I've been nearly drowned (head held under pond water until i lost consciousnesses
burned, beaten and emotionally tortured
now as an adult i live in constant fear, a smiling face, a sudden motion, a loud noise can send me into a panic attack
i've spent years cultivating a calm unconcerned mask i show to the world but inside it hurts so much just being near other people. even at home behind 3 sets of locked door i still feel vulnerable and affraid
Clearly you need professional help. That's not a bad thing. Living in fear is a bad thing. you're depriving yourself of the joy of life. It doesn't have to be this way. You're not alone.