I'm ashamed of myself in the past for THINKING I was in pain or THINKING there wasnt any hope.
I am stupid.
I helped put myself here. Now I know what pain is. Now I know how it feels when everything goes beyond wrong into crazy wrong. Now I know how it feels to know its all over I have no one and I'm not in a good mindset to take care of a health issue which is serious.
I know what it feels like to wait a very long time for someone and find out they hate me and just wanted me to hurt more. But, I truly love them. Theres no reason for them to want me at all.
And Im not just saying this, family, I only have a few family members and they don't love or care about me. They know I need help. All these years I was their bank or servant.
You know, I lost hope completely several months ago. Its all gone. I wish I could erase me and all traces of me from earth. I know what it feels like to hate myself and know that I need to die.