Sexual Frustrations of a Complicated Virgin Girl?
I pretty much just finished typing a freaking autobiography of my sexual life and childhood relations to these frustrations, but I'm afraid to even post it l****. Sigh. All that time typing...wasted. Oh well!
Long story short:
I'm a newly-young adult (unofficially graduated) virgin girl with a severely picky rape fantasy, due to severe childhood trauma, and it causes me so much stress that I'm probably never going to be sexually satisfied in life. No one in the world except for me (and now you, though you don't know me, heheh) knows, as I've never told anyone. This also causes stress, since I can't talk about my feelings.
I'm not into BDSM stuff like spanking or whips, and the whole "find a partner, play pretend, and don't forget a safety password!" thing kills the fantasy for me.
That, and I do have a conviction where I don't want to have s** outside of marriage. I guess that would make things even harder for me to find a guy, right.. LOLugh.
I'm also SO picky that I doubt I'd ever find a partner. I feel horrible for being so materialistic, but personality plays into it too, and I feel like I have the right to be picky about my sexual life l****.
Am I a weirdo? I'm otherwise a petite "cutie" girl who get's flirted with pretty frequently (even though I'm not the type to flirt/lead guys on) and has an average, realistic look on life. It's just my sexual fantasies that are super weirdly hardcore..
It makes me feel guilty, like I can't be normal. It's even hard to admit that I have such a taboo desire inside of me. 8(
(P.S. This isn't an invitation to any weirdos who might think otherwise. I'm just worried about my own psych and well-being, lmao.)