Teenage shame

As a teen my great uncle forced himself on me and attacked me pushed against him and forced a kiss and I pushed him away and said no, and I was determined to stand up to him and fight him with all my fear and the weakness and patheticness of 14 year old body after 10 years of sexual abuse from him I had completely had enough. at this time my sister had boyfriends sleeping in her bed and kicking me out of bedrooms for their love time, and I could not find that sort of love but had my great uncle and then my other uncle sexually assaulting me and even hitting me and stalking and spying on me which is over and above what anyone should have to put up.

but when I was bashed at school and had a collapse at school after that incident I ended up falling into a pit of h***, I don't know if it was because of the glass I might have swallowed, but I collapsed at school in cramps and vomited which still frightens me today. that only shameful sad and fearful person inside of me. I left school, due to poverty and nervous breakdown and basicly hung my head in shame for the next 5-10 years after. I felt unpretty, unsexy, a failure, helpless and deeply hurting.

no one cared and I was angry and I am still angry today that men have ignored me when I was a teen and rejected me so much, and I am sick of these old men who should have got off their a***-holes to like me and be of support to me back when I was a teen and young adult.

people let me down everywhere.

I am angry at NR because I have to ask him if he really thinks he is worth it after so much time has past why does he think he is the ultimate man.. when I made like the DO more now. and NR is more like my sister then me.

I don't think katy realized how much her trying to run me over and bashing into me would cause me such distress and long term health problems.

being raped was the worst thing and the stroke/heart attack afterwards

My sister used to throw my handbag and university bag around the shopping Centre and hit me. she used to attack me in my teen years with telephones and shoes.

I am a very ill person due to her abuse.

I am sick of being my sisters torture dolly since the day I was born.

I think she forgets I have had my heartbreaks and hurts as well.

I was raped as a virgin and she was not. and I am 100% certain she was not abused by my great uncle who was in this 70s and 80s as much as I was.

she has been married now 3 times and she is going back to her Filipino husband in oct. but I have never been married

I struggled with a fear of young men as much as with older men.

I am sick from old men letching onto me. and I have had to fight my fears of being good enough for young men or for even feeling safe with them as they are not really my sexual comfort zone.

I want to learn to trust young men. I am tired of joyce telling me that young men would be too aggressive for me and she can handle their sexual desires better then I can and she gives me old men mostly or weird men.

I want to find a husband to have a baby before I die. and I like this guy DO...

I need to find love of my own before its too late.

whereas my sister has been married several times and had boyfriends in her bed as a teen and I have not, but for being raped as a virgin at the age of 29... which is sooo embarrassing.

I have a lot of issues to over come and I want to be with a man who I love ... its not fair I have been so abused when I am a good person and people have made out I am bad or spastic and I am not. I may not be the most clever or rich or prettiest, but no one is anyway, but that does not make me the most rotten... yet I feel rotten inside, I feel ugly and I am sick of being everyone's dog. I am sick of being pawed and raped at by violent old or fat married men in their 40s...this goes back to when I was in my early 20s, and being ignored by guys my own age.

I want to be forever young and experience a romance that means something to me, and mutual love and attraction.

now I have shame over STDs and being raped. I feel like no nice young man will want me now.

I have suffered enough sexual bullying from relatives.

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  • Sounds like you are a good person. If I was you I'd move far away from there and start over. Start fresh, stay clean, leave all the bad vibes behind. Find a good city with lots of single younger people in their 20's and 30's, (like maybe Austin, TX or Huntington Bch or Costa Mesa, CA). Makes friends, live a good life, maybe later find someone to fall in love with.

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