My secret

This is my deep dark secret that no one knows about. I am not really sure why I am telling the world now after all this time- but here it is,...I would never do ANY of these things in real life as I believe that all innocence should be preserved as much as possible- for as long as possible- and to do this in real life would be illegal, immoral, and why bother when the fantasy is so much better than in real life??? I am a beyond middle age man and live alone and I love to do age play RP chats. I am crazy about the FANTASY of having s** with a mid-teenage girl. and THAT is the only thing I am sure of. When I do an RP with someone I like to do romantic age play RPs with me as the older man-since I am (almost 65). Romantic is much better than "forced" because being an angry person who is violent enough to project their will on others is a very bad thing I feel and not me as a person- but many people who I RP with like the forced fantasy. This hobby (?) is for fun and to excite and arouse me and I can tell the people I do it with really like it as well. A very long long time ago I was married and my wife would often want to pretend during s** that she was an innocent young girl being molested by an older man- MUCH younger than I prefer in a fantasy RP chat. I think this is where it started although privately objectifying young teenage girls is a thrill I can't deny. Is it a man's biological wiring to notice a young woman on the onset of puberty? I do not find children attractive- so this negates the term pedophile by definition- but a young teen girl in the early stages of sexual maturity is a real turn on. Fantasy? YES! To act on it? NEVER! While I am chatting I often look at pornographic websites that show "older/ younger" categories and nude "Teen" galleries. I prefer photos to movies as you can stare at them- and videos are too short and not the best quality as is a photo. I sometimes go to Laundromats and dig through lost and found to find the underwear of what might be from a teenage girl. Then with all these props in place I beat off- as I fantasize with the other person in the age play RP chat and love c****** in the panties while the person types in chat the things that I would find exciting to hear in a fantasy s** act. I love the fantasy of c****** all over the teenage girl- almost like this is an act of worshipping them like some goddess. I get very turned on when they pretend to love what I am doing and want to go all the way. I have had the best o****** I have ever had doing this and many times have multiple o****** too. So this is my dark secret- I would never think of doing this in real life and would never allow it to happen even if it were remotely possible which it isn't. I never had kids- and I am at an age where even seeing a real person that might fit this fantasy is very rare. I certainly don’t go out to seek this in real life. It actually makes me sick to know that this does happen in real life- so the fantasy of what it is like is WAY better- does that make sense? Have I been alone for too long? Am I in the early stages of elderly dementia? I really don't know. I studied the laws in my state and adults can pretend to do whatever they want so it isn't illegal- but it is on the line if not over - for morality in our culture at least. This makes it a dirty secret- at least to me. Please feel free to comment, or give advice, Does anyone here shares this unique (?) fantasy life


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  • I think so long as you don't harm anyone else, you're not doing anything wrong. Our society places heavy guilt and shame around that particular fantasy, and perhaps for good reason, but it is a fantasy like any other. You can't help your feelings, you can only control your actions. If I were you I would not be "loud and proud" about it, online or offline, but do not feel guilty for the urgings of your body. You can't help it anymore than you can help your desire for food or to use the restroom. As long as you never hurt another person in your desire to please yourself, you are okay in my book at least.

  • Thank you so much- i expected Crucifixion instead I found acceptance and kind words and great advice- Thank you!

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