Doing wrong to Myself

I am here writing this confession because of myself, my self-indulgences and my love for leisure that has affected my work. I am a capable guy (please don’t think that I am being over confident, or am being boasting about myself). I have a job that pays well and takes care of most of the things that need to be taken care of for me and my family. I believe that all I have is not majorly because of my hard work, but because of GOD’s grace. Even if I would have worked hard and made things better for myself, it would still be GOD’s grace, but what I want to confess here is that I have not been working as hard as I can or should have been, I have not been as focused as I can be and should have been. The little greatness that people see in me, or the little respect that I have from people around me is because I am able to do things quickly and more productively. I am gifted to have some qualities of leadership/ communication and effective decision making (and also a bit of skill in my trade) that I have gained through experiences. The experiences however have been bitter. I sincerely believe that given my capability, they could have been sweet enough if not very sweet. When I sit today, and look back, I realize that the reason that they are bitter is because I have not put in as much hard work and focus as I should have. I see no reasons other than this for me still paying the debts that I earned because of some failed businesses, and I think that things would have been considerably different if I would have worked hard (or at least the required) instead of resting on my ass and being careless about things. It sends a chill through my spine when I think what I would have done if I would not have this very well paying job that I have, that has helped me quite a part of the debt, and at the same time has helped me to fulfill my family’s needs. I believe that I could have been of much better use to myself, my family and the society if I would have worked hard. I want to.. and I know that now I will..
I wan’t to compensate for what I have done in the past, and the first step towards the same is by not being lazy. I will work hard, sleep less, take care of my health and push things to be better.. much better… much much better.

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