I still love you, Karen

The truth is, I never did have a crush on that other girl (I think her name was Carolyn). I just made that up so that you would break it off with me - and therefore be protected from my parents' obnoxious behaviour. Remember that one and only time you called me up at home? My mother listening in on the other phone extension and giggling with the excitement of a teenager at a p*** site was just too much. As 9-year-olds, we were both way more mature than my mom and dad. Of course, I lost the fight I then had with them when I confronted them with it and tried to get them to be reasonable. I could never bring a female friend home until they grew up, which they never ever did. (Years later, I had to have that same fight with them over planning my wedding - only this time I won. It's a lot easier to get your parents to f*** off when you're 35.) I was hoping our little fling would die a natural death over the summer holiday, but it didn't. So I made up the crush thing to get you away from me so you wouldn't be hurt, and to do it in such a way that no other girl would want me because you told them all I was such a j******. I'm sorry I disappointed you, but even now - 40 years later - I still believe it was for the best.

There. I finally got it off my chest. Please forgive me.

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