Cheated on my girlfriend after two years

I cheated on my girl friend and I got caught. I feel like s*** but I am also mad too. Not cause I got caught but cause I felt like this could of been avoided. I have stressed to her my importance of s** and how much I feel its important. I gave a lot of myself throughout the whole relationship. I was used I feel. We have s** and I would get her off multiple times and I would come later on my own or not at all some nights. I brought this up so many times and I was wanting something out of her I wanted to get f***** I wanted to feel wanted for once. I treated this girl so good she wouldn't have ever suspected me to cheat. After 2 years of trying to explain my needs and getting disappointed over and over and she changed her work schedule to 4am-12pm I started going out on my own. I would go hang out with female friends of mine and I explained my situation and all of them were amazed that I was going through it because on the surface our relationship seemed ideal. After 2 nights in a row of not getting off and she simply says "oh I feel bad u didn't come." but right after she is snoring. I felt so angry. Am I wrong to feel this way? I know cheating is wrong. I've labored at her home put in a furnace for half price I was used by her often. I did it cause I loved her. But I mean wouldn't u wanna pleasure someone who bent over backwards for u? The girl I cheated with said she would love for someone to do what I do....

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  • Hey I really appreciate your input. I will fill in the gaps for you. I did tell her about my intimacy issues. I told her I didn't always like taking control i wanted it to be where both of us came on to each other. After a year I noticed how I always make the first move and take action and come on to her. I told her this over and over and over again. When I I want to be wanted, I wanted her to come on to me. I hate to be graphic but like basically let me know I wanna have s**, put your her hands on my body, dance while we r out, grab my member, talk dirty, dont be afraid of your man. These are simple things but I was always doing them for her even with s** i had all the creativity. I sat with over and over asking her what she wants and needs in the bed room or liked she simply didn't have any ideas. I went as far to say after months of nothing we should break up and I did. A week later she contacts me and comes out with it, we ended up having s** it was one of the times that the s** was exciting to me because she let me know how bad she wanted it. We got back together then she stopped. I talked about it again because I was always putting in the effort with s**. Its not about scoring to me its about wanting to please your partner. I felt like she could of cared less if I was. She knew that I wasn't getting off sometimes and she couldn't keep up with it. I even told her I feel I might be to much. I'm not insecure I just require a lot of attention. I didn't put in her furnce expecting anything back I said that because I've been told I don't care or love her. But doing stuff like that for someone shows I do.i feel like the best gifts u can give is your time and effort. I was expecting her to be more thoughtful. I thought so much for her I did so much and I do expect back. I do things for her without being asked. Its the same stuff she does for her friends and not me I was jealous of that and hurt after 2 years. I get it now I want an equal.

  • Sure:).It's clear your ex wasn't capable of being what you needed. And truthfully, there are lots of women that want (or even expect) the man to take the lead and make the first moves. It was out of her comfort zone or maybe just a fear of being rejected, even if you're in a committed relationship it can still not give you confidence. And I totally agree with you, that doing little things and helping with your time are the best gifts. And that can weigh on you when you find that your partner doesn't think the same way you do. Regardless of what happens in the bedroom, those little things that say "I thought of you" are equally important. The next girl needs to demonstrate these thoughtful qualities. I think you summed it up perfectly by saying that now you want an equal. Best of luck in your search!

  • It sounds like this relationship hit a snag somewhere and you began keeping score. But it also sounds like all that mattered in the end are your needs. S** is important, but it's also just a component of something much larger. When you date someone for a long time relationships change.Needs and priorities change. A lot of relationships seem great from the outside, but all are work. It's not always going to be perfect, that's not reality. But it sounds like you started to resent her and felt she owed you. I bet she has a far different perspective. If you put in a furnace for her = you get x,y,z....You say you weren't expecting anything, but you were. You either do something nice for your s.o. because you want to and expect a Thank you or don't do it. Not everything you do for a significant other is going to equal a happy ending. Get over that. Keeping score or holding to expectations, that stuff adds up and just builds resentment. You sound like it's all about you and how you're going to get off. And most likely your girlfriend is looking for intimacy. And you can't have both without communication. Is it bad that you cheated, yes. Is it bad that you need and want pleasure, no. Of course, not. When you say "I wanted to feel wanted". This is something that is rooted deep within you and you need to work on those feelings of insecurity. Because no matter who you're with, that void may never be filled. But if you just want a partner to reach out and make an effort, sometimes you have to ask for it if they aren't naturally affectionate, thoughtful and giving. And there are people like that. Your girlfriend may not be capable of being the person you need her to be. That may be something you need to look at in the next relationship. It would also be interesting to talk with her to see what her issues were. This will help you both as you enter new relationships.

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