Can't Interact Normally
That I can't interact with other human beings normally(other than three members of my family). When those people that promote something or other come to me, either I ignore them which makes me feel rude or I listen to everything they have to say to ultimately tell them I not interest or lie about checking out whatever they are promoting. I have one friend I see once a year (her birthday) because I'm not brave enough to ask if could hang out or catch up and worry I going to annoy her. Every year I regret half of the things I say or do. I feel that I'm being to loud, irrelevant, stupid, childish, boring or weird. Also feel must embarrass her. I also too scared to chat with her online. I feel as if I barely know her. I also have one other person I think I can consider as a friend. I haven't seem him in person in 3 years. He comments on some of draws and paintings online and I thank him for his comments. And that's it. Maybe we are not even friends anymore. I can't say anything else to him, I guess I'm scared. I only talk people when I have to and most of the time I feel that everything I say is so stupid. One time I went to a game store and I needed to ask if the ps3 was region lock. Got so nervous I asked if a ps3 game goes into a Wii. My sibling kept bringing up it for the rest of the day. There also this time I went to the movies and I knew the name of the title, I even had to keep repeating to my sibling because she could remember it, but when I went to buy the tickets, I forget half the title and said half title and added something at the end. Just being around other people makes act weird. For example if the are blocking a item that I need to get. Walk around and come back to check if they are gone and if they aren't, I repeat until they are. Also when walking and can't get through I either turn around or stop, wait and hope the people blocking the path will just. I also do thing when the gaps between people are too small for comfort. In class, I'm too scared to questions in case it is stupid and to afraid to ask problems in classes enough I have done the problem because I'm not confident in my answer. In group assignment, I always have to get put into a group. Once in the group, I hardy say a thing and get my part done. Then I never talk to them again. I frighten of asking sale assists to locate an item or to ask directions if I'm lost (lucky I usually know where I am going). I remember one time I forced my sibling to search an entire store for product because I didn't want to ask for help, she was pretty angry at me. It also doesn't help I am very emotional and cry easily. I always have to tell people to leave me alone and insist I okay because I couldn't hold it back despite all my effort. I always stiffness up when around people and I can't think clearly. I know people aren't judging me, most people don't notice me it not like they see me again and tell myself that but when I'm around people, guess all of that flies out the window and I can't help thinking how stupid or weird I appear to those around me. To make things worse, I'm afraid to tell my family because maybe I'm complaining about something that I can fix myself and I'm just being lazy or I'm making a big deal over nothing. If this wasn't anonymous, I would continue to be silent. Sorry for any grammar errors, I can't bring myself to read this because I cried a little writing this.