My best buddy pretty much in my whole life
Long post, sorry folks, but other than KIND OF telling him himself, this is the first time it's getting verbalized even if it is just in writing.
Me and my best friend (we'll call him "C" here) didn't really start hanging really tight until a few years ago, we knew each other for a good 10 years but only in passing, partying, whenever someone we knew in common had an event or whatever. but then he moved in with his wife and 2 boys a couple houses down from a mutual long time friend's house & we started hanging out tons more, like every night. he moved a couple times after that. same thing, hung out, worked on stuff, did man stuff together, tore s*** apart, put it back together, the usual small town buddy stuff only we got way tighter than regular buddies do, but there's nothing more really to confess with that other than we've told each other some things we wouldn't tell anyone else to our dying day.
So the first disclaimer is that HE DOESN'T FELL THE SAME WAY, he 100% would probably take a bullet for me & likewise me for him, we love each other like brothers from another mother, but that's where it ends on his end anyway, and kind of me too, but something happened in my brain a while back, and one night when we were hanging out clinched it for me.
Other than really really really intense graphic convos about the chicks we were f****** etc, like all night long, till we were both so h**** we were h****** & off, nothing ever went anywhere; I showed him a really short vid I took of me f****** a girl once, but that was it as far as any of that ever went - but believe me, if there was even the slightest chance, I would have PAID to watch him f*** a chick, 'cause we have one thing in common as far as all that goes, we both know it, and it's not something most dudes are able to say. We've watched ALOT of p*** together, no hang ups about that, both straight, we know we both do, we both love p***, we're both OK with knowing the other one might have a b****, but when we leave he night we j*** off, and that's normal (he ended up splitting with his wife, was a long time coming, but that's for another forum), and there were nights when I had been hard for so long when we were hanging out that I couldn't even wait, had to rub one out in the car on the way home.
So maybe 6 months ago we were talking about a j*** off toy called a Head Honcho, kinda like a pocket p****, told him at some point I had one before, he stopped at a p*** shop and bought one, stopped at my place, we were hanging out, he said he wanted to go in my bathroom & rub one out & see what it was like, but I said we should just watch some p***, he could put a blanket over his lap & we could just j*** off - so that's what we did, for like 3 hours, am sure he was nervous as h*** (I've been in MMF 3 ways a bunch of times, so another dude's d*** if it's the right dude doesn't bother me, have a high tolerance for that), but told him to let me know when he was gonna blow, so we could kinda not have to sit there and wait for the other dude, I have really good control, so does he (understatement)so pretty much left it in his court - we took a few breaks, went at it again, finally he says "OK dude", and we both blew.
Since that night, it's gone further in my head, the thought of blowing him turns me on so much that I look for dudes in porns that are as close to what he looks like from the neck down as possible just to see what he looks like all the way, his ass when he's f******, what his b**** look like, his taint, the dimples in his back, what the vein under his b**** looks like when he blasts his load, how his whole body looks when he's f****** a chick, all that. It's not really obsessive, it's just really hot to me, split down the middle, love him like a brother, and on the other disconnected part it's just s** to me, really want to know what he's got, really want to get him off - really want it to be both things, suck his d***, swallow his load, and go shoot pool after, or if he just wanted to get his d*** sucked all night I'd do that too - I swear I'd learn to suck d*** on the spot if he'd let me, pretty sure chicks make too big a deal out of it. Not a thing about him bothers me, I don't care if he's ripe as f***, just got done sweating and hadn't taken a shower in a week, I'd get between his legs and tell him how awesome he smelled, let him get as rough as he wanted (we're both fit dudes, he couldn't hurt me), and for the time I'm blowing him, do anything he told me to get him off - after he blew his wad (I'd never want anything in return), we could carry on with whatever we'd normally do while we hang out.
It's f***** up, I have no idea how to get over it, have tried so many things, gotten close to being done thinking about him that way, and then the littlest thing just brings it right back, happened last night again, so today I'm watching p*** & thinking about how hot his b**** would taste and look and feel in my mouth.