Conflicted

I feel confused and somewhat in conflict about life.

I am married. I love and respect my wife. I never cheated. And we've been together for more than 10 years and have a daughter.

However, I still think (A LOT) about a girl I met before my wife. I actually met her long before, when we were kids. After my father passed away, we become really really close, but we stayed as friends and I sometimes regret that I was stupid enough not to give it a shot.

I actually remember a day where we had spent some time together and she invited me to her house. She lived with her parents and they were home. At one point, I almost kissed her, I don't even know if she realizes that, but at that point, I decided to get up and leave.

Short after that, she started dating a guy. When they started, she called me and told me about that. It hurt like h***, tears start streaming down my face and I told her that I needed to stay away from her. After a couple of months, I met the girl who became my wife, while they broke up about a year later.

Even though we (myself and my wife) moved to another country after we got married, that girl is still often in my dreams. I don’t know what to do. I feel I am dishonest with my wife, but I actually love her. So, why do I keep dreaming about the other girl?

When that happens, and for some reason it has happened more often lately, I am tormented by the "what-ifs". I recently even went to Facebook, and I got really disappointed, even hurt, but the fact that we're not friends there. I really thought we were. Many of my friends, that I introduced to her when we were hanging out together, are in her list of friends, I am not. Even my family is and I am not. By family I mean my mom and my siblings. I know it's stupid, but I feel betrayed and somewhat mad.

Still, it apparently made things worse, as it seems that she's now in my dreams every other night. :(

It drives me crazy that I can't talk about this with any one.

1 Comment

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  • Cheat on her once.

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