Scared of losing people

My greatest fear is losing the people I love. I've already lost my close friend and two dogs that I hold dear to my heart. I'm 15 and before I go to sleep I cry and think about how s*** my life would be without them. It's usually my dad, horses and sister. I hardly get to see my dad though because my parents are divorced and he doesn't live near us. I hate my mum so much it's unreal. I have good reason too, even my dad thinks I have good enough reason but he's trying to make it work. She hit me once. Ever since then it's been getting worse. I hate myself. I'm so fat and I regularly cut myself. Though each day I manage to laugh and smile. I doubt anyone suspects that I cut, apart from my sister who walked in on me doing it one. She took my knife away but I got it back.
I doubt I have depression because I manage to smile and laugh but I hate myself so much sometimes. I'm a really negative person. I constantly criticise myself on things like horse riding, telling myself I'm not good enough. Riding is one of my passions. I love it but can't get passed not being good enough. I'm ugly, no guys like me and I'm regularly called stupid.

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  • Hey.. Do'nt be so nervous.. Life is full with all colors, If this is your worst time. Nice time will also come and see, Life doesn't wait for anything.. you enjoyeed with your pets..just have those memories and be happy that you spent a nice time with those. Believe me .. after some time, you will realise that Life is so beautifull. May god fullfill your life with love , care and all beautifull colors of it so that you forget what is sadness. My wishes are with you.
    As far as ugly n stupid thing is concerned , people is not judged by their external beauty . those who judged people by their external beauty are the real stupid.. you are beautifull if you are true and respect yourself. My advice to you is: Respect and Love your self. Keep smiling - Vikassharma.ajjai

  • Everything will get better. Young and beautiful is what you are. Pray, believe in yourself and have faith.

  • If you think you're ugly and stupid and you cut yourself you clearly need help. Only a professional can diagnose you but it's certainly possible you do have depression. Cutting yourself isn't right. Coming from a broken home is hard, I know. But believe me you can't live your life worrying about losing people because while you're doing that you give yourself time enough to enjoy them while they're here.

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