Scared of losing people
My greatest fear is losing the people I love. I've already lost my close friend and two dogs that I hold dear to my heart. I'm 15 and before I go to sleep I cry and think about how s*** my life would be without them. It's usually my dad, horses and sister. I hardly get to see my dad though because my parents are divorced and he doesn't live near us. I hate my mum so much it's unreal. I have good reason too, even my dad thinks I have good enough reason but he's trying to make it work. She hit me once. Ever since then it's been getting worse. I hate myself. I'm so fat and I regularly cut myself. Though each day I manage to laugh and smile. I doubt anyone suspects that I cut, apart from my sister who walked in on me doing it one. She took my knife away but I got it back.
I doubt I have depression because I manage to smile and laugh but I hate myself so much sometimes. I'm a really negative person. I constantly criticise myself on things like horse riding, telling myself I'm not good enough. Riding is one of my passions. I love it but can't get passed not being good enough. I'm ugly, no guys like me and I'm regularly called stupid.