I have weird sexual turn ons that make
I have weird sexual turn ons that make me feel guilty and perpetuate low self esteem. I like this girl but I thought she was getting back with her ex bf, so I have fantasized about both of us servicing him sexually. I have fantasized about my friends having s** with her while i sit on the sidelines and I watch because she doesn't like me. The thing is, we send each other romantic emails and we really do like each other. I just have low self esteem. Sometimes I don't think I am masculine enough, I don't think I am a man. I think other guys are better than me, that's why they are having s** with this girl while I watch (being cuckolded). This doesn't make sense because I am 6'2", muscular at 205 pounds, and good looking. I don't know why I have these deep seated insecurities. I've been hurt in past relationships where I was too much of a "nice guy" and my ex-gfs dumped me for some jerks who cheat on them. I feel like I am not manly and mean enough compared to these guys, that's why I always think that the girls I like would rather be with one of my friends, and I fantasize about being cuckolded.