I don't understand!!

Recently I want to see what dying or cutting feels like. I'm not going through a hard time but I still want to just like see what all the fuss is about, you know? Is this normal or...you know weird?

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  • Pain affects people in many different ways as does the desire to understand.
    If you haven't yet than please throw aside any ideas of cutting. I think one of the things that come from just about every cutter at the beginning is something like "it's just this one time, I won't do it again" Even if you feel like it's true it becomes a tragic lie that ends with a life full of harmful addiction.
    For some people cutting is a way to feel real, to know that they are still alive. Some people use it to feel in control, either they might have issues with being 'going out of their bodies' or just like to feel like for once they are controlling something. But cutting becomes an addiction and controls them. For me it has been to first feel alive, to bear with overwhelming negative emotions, to 'drain' myself of suicidal thoughts, and most of all to feed an addiction I created years ago...Please, I beg of you, don't start experimenting around with that kind of stuff! It will drag you down so fast am d has no mercy from anyone. I've talked to others, and I know it's true especially for myself. The wound we regret the most is almost always the first. So please, don't start. You'll eventually regret it deeply as I have come to done

  • I read your comment a little,I'm sorry.

  • Late*

  • Pain is a strange thing. In elementary school we used to play a ball game where we lined up with our backs to the wall and one person who was 'it' would throw the tennis ball at us until they hit someone. Then that person joined the throwing group. I loved the feeling of the sharp edges of the bricks and I would press myself backwards into the wall. I would love the sting of the ball when it hit me.

    I would do other things to experiment with pain. I can recall slowly sticking pins in at different times just to see if I could handle the pain. Pretty f***** up eh.

    I dream of being forced to do things that have some pain. I read 50 shades of grey and so wish I was that girl. I put pegs on my nipples and leave them on. I wish for someone to force me to wear a corset and do it up so tight. I look at videos on the net of people being whipped or caned and imagine myself in that helpless situation.

    Then I go and cook dinner for my husband and kids and non of them have any idea how f***** up their mom is.

  • Wow.

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