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I hold my wee
When I started high school, the toilets were gross. They were old. Yellow pedestals with black seats. They stank. So I would do everything to avoid going at school. I would hold it. By the end of the day I was usually bursting. I would debate in my own mind if I could make it home. As I got older I began to get aroused by holding it and so kept doing it. Right through high school and into college. I guess for a long time I just got into the habit of holding it. Then children and life got ** hum and I started doing it again. I found even thinking about it turns me on. guilty feeling here because my husband just isn't doing it for me right now.
I used to do this in high school too. I remember by the end of the day I had to sit right on the front edge of my chair with my legs under the chair and me sitting up straight. If I sat back in the chair it put more pressure on and I would be in even more pain. I would look at the classroom clock and count off the minutes and then try to keep myself busy with something.
I'm worried that if I let myself wet myself that I would loose the focus if that makes sense. Like I have to concentrate on holding it. I set myself goals. Like another hour and then I can go. I bought some adult diapers once and found that I actually would use them and not hold at all.
You need to definitely just let it go one day after you've been holding it a long time- there's nothing like that warm rush of pee filling your ** and soaking your pants- my god I love that <3<3 one time i took a walk at night and let it go blocks from my house, the rush from the humiliation of having to walk home in my pee pants was exhilarating. thank god no one saw me!
I learned not to wear denim because it really shows if I leak. I have just let go but I found that if I allowed my self to do that then I could not hold it as long. So I used to actually wear skirts rather than jeans because if I did leak it was not obvious.
My wife also gets turned on by holding, but then she like to let go in her jeans. did you ever consider that?
You are not alone. Enjoy every aspect. Enjoy that you can avoid filthy public toioets. Enjoy the feeling when you do hold it. Have a look on the net there are all sorts of pee relayed kinks. You may find other things that turn you on as well. Maybe something your husband can enjoy e with you.