I still think about my first love, five

I still think about my first love, five years later. And i want her back though she wont talk to me.
She played me for half a year, always said she would dump her BF for me, and I hung on. I cut the s*** out of my arms, and the scars are so bad even 5 years later.
Because of her i am an alcoholic now, and I still think about her.
Its sad really, and I hate myself for it...

Im in college now, and have no problem finding girls, but i still miss her because I never really got that closure.


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