Unrequited Love

It hurts still to this day how I'm not with him. He was my first everything, but he just never felt the same for me. He made me feel warm and wanted at one moment, and hen he was cold and distant in the next, even after our break up. It hurt me so much, that I had fallen so hard for him. After he took my virginity, he completely went cold on me. I forced myself to move on to get away from that pain, but ended up in another messy relationship. This time, long distance. However, after about a year of not talking my first love spoke to me again. At that moment, my love for him returned. While I reassured him that I already had a new boyfriend, he pulled me in once more. But I had to resist. We weren't together... However, that changed when I unfortunately found out about my long distance boyfriend's cheating, so I gave in to my first love's advances...

Though he wasn't as cold to me as he was before, I couldn't help but feel that cycle repeating... And in the end he told me that he felt nothing more for me, than just that of friends. It stung a bit, but I was already numb from the pain of my long distance boyfriend. I didn't know what to do... I just really loved my first love...

I decided to give my long distance boyfriend another chance, and try to make things work. After another few months, it ended up the same way, him cheating on me, big time, so he broke up with me, and I let him go...

My first love was back in th picture, but we maintained a somewhat friendship as well. That ended up with us getting intimate again... And of course, after hoping that we could start over, he just didn't return my love...

I had to let go for good. Move on for good. Despite how much I felt for him, and I ended up with my current boyfriend of 6 years. I felt that I had to give this guy a chance because he sat with me through my depression, and he really like me. He's not my type at all, but I just feel that I owe him for the support he gave me.

Unfortunately, I'm still in love with my first love, painfully. He happily moved on and has a family now. I have mental breakdowns, and get deeply depressed. I can't love my current boyfriend the way I love my first love, but I don't want him to end up watching the one he loves, move on without him...

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