I am a horrible child

I try to be a good child but everything I do always ends up hurting others which only hurts myself, I break everything special without meaning to leaving my parents clearly upset, they try to brush it of, but I can still see they are clearly hurt. Everyday I am driven to school which is half an hour away wasting their money as petrol costs a lot nowadays. I struggle to trust or talk to anyone and all this weighs up on my parents having to deal with all my anger I try to push down. I never reach their expectations. When I finally do something right it doesn't even matter, nobody cares or realizes. Whenever it's a nice day I ruin it, I'm sick of being me.

Like Dr. Phil likes to say, you need to acknowledge what you have before you can change. Something like that. At least you're half way there. Perhaps college isn't for you. Try trade school.

You are only hurting yourself! While your doing nothing constructive other people your age are working, building resumes - it's a competitive world out there and being mediocre will not give you the edge you need!

Life can turn on a dime - start preparing yourself now with good habits!

Maybe college isn't for you. Maybe you should do something else. But what? At some point, your parents will have to do something difficult and put their foot down, kick you out and force you to grow up or hope they motivate you. It will pain them because they do want the best for you. That's nice, but somewhere within you, you have to want the best for yourself. Or at the very least, something very good. Maybe you take a job in retail or sales or something that you won't need a college degree for. Maybe you get some roommates and you live in the real world and try to make ends meet until you figure out what you really want to do. It's not easy. And/Or maybe you start to go to a therapist or a life coach and talk with someone about what your ambitions are. Somewhere deep down you have them. Part of becoming an adult is also learning to become honest with yourself. Stop the negative talk. You have to deal with your depression and when the haze lifts you will have a clearer idea of what you want for your future.