I want my daughter out

It must be the worst crime in famly life to dislike your child. I have three kids, two of whom are, on the whole, darlings. My 25 year old daughter, however, is frankly unbearable. She is rude, selfish, self-centred and a monumental s*** stirrer. Her most hateful habit is to rant to me or my wife then, when we respond rationally starts crying and having a tantrum. One example today: it is my son's birthday and he wants to go to his favourite restaurant with the whole family - famiy birthday dinner outings being something he just loves. Daughter started ranting that she hates it there and wants to go elsewhere. When I pointed out that it is Joe's birthday and therefore his choice (the same privilege given to her on her birthday)' I garnered a stream of abuse, tears foot stomping (seriously) and a refusal to go. My son (12) was devastated, so said he would go where she wanted. I said no way...more abuse. Apparently both me and son are selfish pigs.

Perhaps more seriously is that she deliberately comes between me and my wife, playing us off one another to gain her way, often manipulating stories for her benefit. I will discover on a regular basis things I have done, or not done, causing my wife and I to lock horns. Invariably the story being altered substantially (or totally). An instance: I received a bollocking from my wife because i refused to give daughter a lift to work couple of weeks ago, and she had to walk in the rain, getting soaked and chilled. On checking, on the day in question I had an appointment for an outpatient procedure and had to leave home early. Daughter was informed well in advance. Cue abuse etc. (Note again the fact that I am ill and need to see the doc is irrelevant.) This despite the fact that, although I give her a lift daily with no thanks, my inability to chauffeur her to work on one day was unacceptable. Oh, and that day was actually a gorgeous late summer morning. Her work is only 20 mins walk away...

Recently we have had a huge reduction in our family income owing to illness. My daughter's response? To stop contributing to the household financially (she works full time in a well paid job) because we know longer can afford the fancy foods etc that she deems her right. So why should she pay for anything? She always hated having to contribute, 'forgetting' regularly even though the amount was a pitifully small fraction of her income.

I could go on, almost indefinitely, but you get my point I'm sure. Now I'm aware that children are universally self-centred, but I suggest that an adult of 25 shouldn't be acting like the most extreme hormone-ridden adolescent. I still love my daughter, but the day she gets the h*** out of my life to her own place will be a happy day indeed. Yet I can't help wondering what will become of her when she realises that, in fact, she isn't the centre of the universe. I seriously think that what has happened in the last couple of decades in families, with children treated in many cases like royalty has gone too far. We treat our kids like wondrous gifts (rightly, natch) who need to be cosseted, pampered and privileged. But what happens when the result is the likes of my daughter? It is no preparation for life, or for bing a well-adjusted adult. You live and learn. Often too late.


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  • Yeah, I f***** my kids up too. Tbe fact that you are not alone probably provides little solace, but all the same - I feel your pain. Ungrateful kids suck.

  • Kick her selfish ass out of the house!! Tough love

  • Jam your d*** in her c***

  • (1) Her behavior is inexcusable. It actually sounds like a mental illness, She could be bi-polar. Or even a drug addict. Have her do a drug test. You and your wife enable her by letting her stay there and putting up with her, so she continues to manipulate without consequence. It is destroying your relationship. Your son.. you should have left her at home. His birthday, his choice. Those are the rules. She doesn't like it. Sorry, not sorry. Why does she always get her way? What does that teach her? or teach your son? Your son should be rewarded with two dinners for being such a mature young man at 12. It's time for her to be an adult and take care of herself. She should want to be on her own. You don't have to justify what you do or don't do for your kids. That's your business. It's so obvious you love your daughter. All you want to do is help her and you have no idea how. Somewhere deep down there is a really great person.

  • (2) For the sake of your health, your marriage and your relationship with your other kids and daughter you must set a plan in motion to get her out of the house. If there's a reason why she cannot live on her own, that's something else. You and your wife are doing this because you love her and should be treated with respect. Letting her walk all over you is abusive, disrespectful and shouldn't be tolerated. She needs to be held accountable. If she's not able to control her behavior, she needs to go to a therapist and get a psych evaluation, but she probably won't. If she had a diagnosis, then you would know what you're dealing with. Your plan of action. Your house, your rules. She is working full time so she can pay rent somewhere. Give her 30 days to move out. It's not about her paying rent, it's about that it's time for her to be on her own outside of the family home. You and your wife stick to a united front and then she will no longer be able to pit you two against each other. If you are paying for anything of hers.. car, cell phone, etc..it stops. She can pay. If she refuses, tell her there are consequences. When she goes to work..pack her stuff up, change the locks. And she can buy her stuff back. She may not like it, but something has to change. Remember, this is to benefit her.

  • C*** up puss

  • You and your wife need to talk about pushing her out. Use a family therapist if you and her can't agree. You shouldn't have to tolerate your 25 yo daughter's verbal attacks and manipulative behavior. BTW, crying is a way to change the discussion's topic back to her. If your wife disagrees, can you get your own place so your daughter will be forced to contribute to the family finances. You shouldn't live like this.

  • Sorry man. Sounds like you daughter is a real bitc h. Maybe she just needs a boyfriend to chauffer her around and keep her preoccupied. At that age if she is not getting fuc ked real good girls can be p***** at the world. That and tell her to get the h*** out. She is an adult she needs to be on her own.

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