I can't believe myself...

I've read all of these mangas where someone confesses their love for someone else and I get so embarrassed just reading them, I sometimes have to skip the immediate reactions of the person they confess to. I kept thinking how strange I am that I am so sensitive to such things and how I'd never do such a thing, and then just recently I realized I HAVE done that before AND gotten rejected after doing it! I didn't even think about it at the time!!! How did I do something so humiliating? And the guy got p***** off at me for falling for him!

He was a good friend and a flirt, and I KNEW he liked someone else already, so I was stupid for falling for him in the first place...I knew it, and yet, my feelings happened anyway. I couldn't stop them.

So when it came down to it and he started to ahve a chance with the other girl, I spoke up and admitted my feelings bluntly and without holding back even a little bit and without even any thoughts. I flat out told him I was in love with him! I realized it pretty much right before I said it so it's not like I had time to dwell on it, but it shocked both of us and made him mad because he thought I was a friend he could rely on, but I turned out to be like a couple other people who had crushes on him. But...

Mine was definitely not just a simple crush because I've had the giddy crush feeling last for a solid year before, maybe a bit more, usually a lot less, so I know the feeling. And for this one, it's been over four years since then and I STILL think of that time and have feelings about that time even though I haven't seen him in a long time since then either. (A couple weeks after my confession he started avoiding me and once he did bother with me again, I felt too hurt by his avoiding me to really keep in touch and we haven't since then)...

I think I have unresolved feelings there, but I don't know what to do about them. He's long gone, so I can't do anything there except myself to try to move on, but after four years, why do I still think of him and have feelings that hurt me?

I have someone else now and he loves me deeply and is so wonderful and sweet and caring, and I DO love him, but I fear I may not love him as much as he loves me all because I keep thinking about some guy from the past! I want to stop. A couple months after I got rejected a friend of mine told me I'd been crying non-stop and that it was time to move on and stop and after a few hours more of crying my eyes out and letting myself feel hurt that she was being insensitive, I realized I really was being too over the top about a guy I'd only known a few months and that I did need to move on and I even thanked my friend for the wakeup call and I just moved on and stopped crying and now...

I wonder if I did force myself to move on too soon and that's why I still have such feelings? Or is it that once you love someone you can't ever feel better again? I don't know, I'm not sure at all, but I feel so guilty about my boyfriend who is the most amazing man I've ever known, and having these feelings about an old friend who never really liked me to begin with. Not like THAT anyway.

I wish I knew how to move on properly.

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  • Wow. Ok, it sounds like you're a highly emotional person, try to calm down, put things in perspective, count to 10. Easier said than done. I don't know whether you're isolated or socially shy or somesuch which might explain why you have such strong fixations on certain people in your life - if that's true you need to get out and socialize more. Or possibly something in your childhood has made you very sensitive.

    In any case, relax, don't beat yourself up, no experience truly ever goes away. Everything you do in life carries forward with you and shapes the person you are. Time heals. Give things time and you will come to terms with them - you'll never forget them, but you will be better able to deal with them.

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