Living with my girlfriends son

So I have been living with my girlfriend and her son for 2 years now . She is 37 and I am 27 . Since the start of our relationship he had everything he wanted . He lived in the basement floor of our rented home with TV , XBOX , guitars and got everything he wanted Mc Donalds for dinner and is very spoilt and loved by his family . Upon moving into a new home things have changed now its new for all of us . He still has his room and a garage band room conversion .

The thing that bugs me is he is so smart but he is 18 now and has no passion or desire to do anything . He failed school because he didnt want to sit exams just do music ( a decision he was left the responsibilty of by his mother) Has had a job but left that .

He has done things like smash the house in fits of rage talk to his mother like s*** has no consideration of noise late at night when we are sleeping for work. He does not help around the house unless you tell him to . He doesnt shower unless you tell him to and wont eat unless you cook . This is all putting a strain on out relationship . He has been going through a phase of self harm because of girlfriends .

He's happy to sit on the computer play guitar go to band practice and attend his low end Uni course because now he has no qualification.
I love my girlfriend but this is putting strain on our relationship because I am living with some one who does nothing to help only when he wants something and now I am sick of it. Staying up late with TV on in play guitar having friends over . The bottom line is I was brought up in a house with rules for a reason to be abided by and they will follow on and now I understand why my parents did so. I was not perfect but i did what I was told .

Id love for him to get a job move out and f*** off because I want to have a relationship with his mother . He is a grown man and so am I this is our house and after all the problems he has put us through stealing destroying the house and not contributng I struggle to like him .

Please help am I being unfair I have no one to talk to no friends in this new country .
Thanks

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  • Why don't the 3 of you sit down and find a good solution that does not include rejecting or ousting him?

  • Why don't the 3 of you sit down and find a good solution that does not include rejecting or outsting him?

  • You're not being unfair, but not sure if his mom is ready to lay down the law and stick to it. Plus, given what you have said about him - it sounds like he has no life skills to even know how to live on his own. He has no interests..of course this could be untreated depression. So maybe your gf buys gifts thinking that will make him "happy"..but is really just not dealing with what's going on. Everyone in his life is enabling him to not thrive the way he should be doing so at his age. Where is his father in this scenario? Is he alive? So he does have a band and is going to school. If he was at least pulling his weight..doing chores without asking or contributing in some way to rent, you could tolerate him for awhile. A lot of this needs to come from his mother. It would be unfair to you, the relationship you have with your gf, and the potentially great relationship with her son if you were to lay down the law and change the rules. I think he wouldn't respect you and it just keeps his mom as the good guy. So if you can, stay out of it. Have you really spoke to her and shared your concerns? I also think if was making contributions and doing things you would like him because he would be a happier person. This situation isn't going to get better over night, but maybe the three of you can sit down and work to compromise what can be done. Make him a part of the process. That could be good.

  • He's a little s***! My mother always said if you're not in school you have to get a job! I am glad she did that now!

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