Where has the love gone
Something weird has happened. there's a dead calm in the love I have for my boyfriend that I'm not used to. I don't know if this is normal or not. I'm used to being passionately head over heels about him. But lately it's just plain. Nothing has changed between us except my feelings for him aren't as overpowering as they've been the past 11 months we've been together. I used to hang on to his every word when he'd speak, as if he were casting spells on me. Now, I slowly lose focus as he goes on his knowledgeable rants, which I used to enjoy. Yesterday when this happened, In the back of my mind I heard a voice say, "I don't love you anymore." but I quickly pushed the thought away as a defense mechanism since before we got into a little misunderstanding.
Then it happened again today. We had our usual playful, flirty banter. Teasing each other and laughing. I thought it was fine. After he came back to bed, we had s** for a long time. foreplay, sweet words mixed with dirty talk, oral, penetration and two different positions. He kept telling me he loved me. I never take it seriously during s** because I know "I love you" is code for "I love s**" in a male's mind, so I halfheartedly said it back. Then it got to a point where he said "I'm in love with you." and I froze. I couldn't say it back, whether it was a s** thing or a real thing. We've blissfully exchanged these words before. But at the moment, the voice came again, saying I didn't feel the same. Somehow I managed to force it out of my mouth, we kissed, and laid in silence. He asked me what was wrong when I couldn't help but sigh. I wasn't sure, so I told him I wanted to keep f******, and we did. Afterwards, we fell asleep together. Well, he did. I just laid there, wondering what the h*** is going on. I've been madly in love with this man, obsessed even, for this entire relationship. Yet somehow, in a matter of two weeks, all that is gone? This was someone I could see myself marrying, experiencing life with, and having a life together, something I had never contemplated with any other man before in my life. Is this just a passing feeling? I love him but it isn't as intense as before.