I am wondering what my friend is about

She was acting strange the other day, as if her husband jake was in the car waiting for her. and she keeps saying her friend Ramania is a alcoholic paranoid psycho- with bi-pola and diabetes and drinks too much and gets abusive. if her life is any condition like mine, no wonder she gets abusive. I am sick of people trying to hoodwink me ! my friend was acting weird like really sleepy saying she had been out with friends all night and they drank and partied and then suddenly got all excited and then I could tell she was not sure to share her story with me, like someone is holding her back from just being herself around me. she seems so guarded by everything she says and timid and unsure of herself at times. I said to her, Are You OK? I had this feeling someone was really upsetting her and she could not bring herself to tell me. I wondered was she making up fibs about ramania and covering her own behavior drinking? but I did not want to pry and I thought "I have to learn to trust others more" and she seemed to understand how upset I was over this old woman emailing me with this grouf approach for things and then just wanted to push me aside and not make me part of the show as usual pushed aside I am. and sally was doing the same abusive s*** to me. and at least my friend could see that, I think my friend is one of the most understanding women I have met. I just don't what's going on with her. I don't want her to let me down as a friend. but maybe some space is a good idea for a while. I am feeling so hurt and upset and I have no man to comfort me like I want. I hate the losers I meet. these j*** men with jobs who they are so hot and they are not. like those ones who think they are so beautiful who work in tv and have legal jobs etc and they are not that great at their jobs and their looks are uglier then what they think. at least I know I am fat and ugly they are just unhealthy skinny b****** and look like aliens really with lipstick. alien robot women with fake tans and lippy. yuk. they talk s*** and look gross. I met some nice ladies over the weekend they were half way more normal then most and at least they gave us encouragement to each other and hugged us all unlike that other personality lot. I just think something is strange. I wish I knew why I was not good enough.

May 23, 2016

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