I'm not relapsing. I'm not.

I'm a recovering anorexic.

I should be at university. But I'm resitting a year because this illness took over my life, and there was too much ground to make up in a year, and I missed my university offer. My friends have all gone to uni, and left me behind.

I'm losing weight. On purpose.

But I'm telling myself that because I'm not technically restricting, just eating the 'healthy' minimum, even though my BMI is down to 17.4 and falling, it doesn't count as a relapse.

I so wanted to prove to everyone that I was stronger than this. I wanted to make people proud of me. I wanted to be proud of myself.

I want to be healthy.

I want to be happy.

But most of all?

I want to be thin.