IT IS WHAT I WANT IT TO BE
I quit my job today I had a good job the truth is I wasn't happy I felt like I was over working myself in the hot sun doing too much everyone knows I'm a hard worker and I've proven it but it got to me how they wouldn't raise my rate up or move my position up. I was surrounded by a bunch of hate at work from bad vibes tons of people would try to bring me down out of everyone only 2 decided to help. Me and My gf just got our apartment. I'm going to school for survey engineering then civil engineering on the run. Lately I've felt like my depression and anxiety just grab a hold of me and get the best of me somehow and bring me down little by little I begin to loose myself and the person I am nobody understands that in reality I'm not happy when I could be doing what I love the most I'm an artist and everyone says I have talent I've had dreams where everything comes real back then I was scared to go for my dream now I don't see it a dream I see it a reality and something tells me To go chase it go after it I'm not scared shitless I'm calm as if things were to turn out alright. I wasn't happy at work my anger and frustration would burst there were plenty of times when my family picked up my emotions and all h*** would brake loose numerous number of times where I've been close to putting my hands on my gf all because of my anxiety and narcissistic ways. When people look at me they say they see me happy with my job my life together when in reality some say I need help because I let my anxiety levels eat me don't get me wrong I'm not going to sit around and be lazy when I have bills to pay I'm already on the look out I used to think the world would eat me up alive at night my depression would choke me alive. My gf gets startled when I have huge panic attacks these past few weeks I've had them non stop it's difficult when at the end of the day the only
Advice you get is the one that you don't want to hear and the only advice you see from yourself is just one that is real and you understand . No matter how many times you explain why your in pain there's not a reason , how
Many times every tear fall or what's wrong there's nothing inside its just fear of nothing a fear of feeling fearful inside a fear of failing and a fear of not being ever understood the walls close on me sometimes but now all I have is a pocket and a dream here I come...